Sunday, March 25, 2007

This is my order:
1. Clint
2. Mike
3. A boy whose name I can not yet say
4. Kenny

The weird thing is that Clint is NOT the most attractive person in that list. But oh my god if he would just open up his eyes and see that we are best friends for a reason, that reason being that we are so compatible, maybe, just maybe I wouldn't be so frustrated with him right now. He needs to learn to finish things that he starts. Emotions are not like a Sunday afternoon project that you get bored of and decide you will finish next weekend but then never actually do.

As for Mike, it is hard for me to put him second on the list, because this feeling inside of me tells me that I want to be with him more than any person in the world, and I can assure that if I had not been pining for Clint and not had so much history with Clint that Mike would be number one. I would also say that Mike deserves to be number one, but the truth is he doesn't deserve a second chance with me. And sadly, even though I recognize this, I am practically shoving a second chance down his throat though I know he could live just fine with out one.

No. 3 is a very attractive guy. He is sweet and we actually have things in common, like a passion for good music. I thought about putting him first because when it comes down to it, I don't choose to be dating girl. I would much prefer to be girlfriend girl. I want to be the one that isn't sickeningly lovey, but the couple that gives a little kiss or rub on the back as the other walks by.

But the god's honest truth is that I can not believe that I am not pawning for Kenny over all of them right now. I was completely infatuated with him. He was amazing to me, and always will be amazing to me, and he didn't deserve me deserting him completely out of the blue. I am happy to see him tomorrow.

I don't even feel like my love life is in my hands right now. I am playing the waiting game. I wait for Clint to stop being an idiot, I wait for Mike to decide whether or not he wants to date me with out being my boyfriend and then act on his decision, I wait for James to talk to talk to No. 3 for me, and though I don't really wait for anything with Kenny, I know that our "one date a week if it works out" situation is not really fair to him.

Virginia Faith at 10:40 PM

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{xoxo}

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