Tuesday, June 21, 2005

I am incredibly happy...










and a little confused.

Virginia Faith at 4:39 PM

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Friday, June 17, 2005

I was at rehearsal last night and after rehearsal we were hanging out and also brain storming on how to get Nathanial's hacky sack off the storage unit ceiling. A bit later, my Pakistani love interest and I exchanged numbers (YES!) and half way made plans to go get lunch next week. Can I say exciting? I'm so happy.

Virginia Faith at 6:57 PM

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Saturday, June 11, 2005

I don't even know where to begin. I have so many thoughts and emotions going through my mind. But mainly I can't stop thinking about how I will never see this boy, Josh,-- a boy that I spent 3 years of my life in awe over, a boy who taught me so much about life, a boy who always helped me make the right decisions even if it meant me moving away-- again.

I'm not even sure what I was expecting to get out of seeing my friends again. Closure perhaps? I wish they could have been looking at themselves and the people around them from my perspective. Let me tell you, it was incredible.

First there was Alex. Alex was the Laura of Fernley. She was my best friend, the girl I related to most, but the thing I liked about her most was how accepting she was of other people. She always made time for everyone. When I went up to her after graduation, she gave me a hug but never said a word to me. She hugged me and then left. And this was so strange to me because everyone told me she was so excited to see me. She sure wasn't the Alex I used to know.

Then there was Aaron. He was this attractive compassionate person when I knew him. I even saw him freshmen year at a football game and he was still a great looking/acting guy. Since he has totally turned to the dark side, and by that I mean he has gone straight-edge. He's got facial piercings and that horrible earring where it's like an inch in diameter. He also dyed his hair black, which I don't actually have a problem with. But his girlfriend, which used to be a girl that never cared what anyone thought of her, not to mention she was incredibly fashionable, has the dumb ear piercing as well and didn't say a word to me. Anyway, when Aaron and I started talking it was like trying to talk to a rock. This made me so sad because next to Josh he was the person I looking forward to seeing most. There were so many thing I wanted to talk to him about but I couldn't with his girlfriend right there. So I told him I was going to call him sometime because I wanted to talk, but I'm not sure I really I want to now.

Even though there were a lot of bad surprises, there were some good ones too. My friend Kara, who I sat with during graduation was great to me, she told me about everything that had changed. And Marshall, someone I was surprised to see came and sat with me; it was nice to see him. And Josh's younger brother was very decent to me, more so than he ever was when I lived there. He has matured so much. And I even got to see someone from Reno..a certain very attractive clarinet player...I'll let you wonder which one it was.

One more bad thing...My seventh grade science teacher/eighth grade reading teacher passed away a couple weeks ago from cancer.

Now more about Josh. To give you an idea of our relationship and how much he meant to me, he was the Nick of Fenley. I remember when he was in eighth grade (I was in sixth) and we would walk around the school talking about music stuff. He always cared so much more about others than himself, and that hasn't changed. He has gone through some really tough times in the past year but none of it changed him, not for the bad anyway. I went to graduation for him. And when I went and found him afterward his reaction was priceless. "Oh my god!" he said. Then he gave me a giant hug and he didn't let go of me for a long time. I was so happy because that was exactly the reaction I had hoped for. I couldn't have been happier at that moment. So then I stayed with him for awhile and then I left to go see other people, and when I was about ready to leave I went and found him again because I wasn't about to leave without saying goodbye. So I found him and told him I was leaving and he gives me another giant hug and says it was great to see me. I couldn't control my crying any longer and I completely lost it. I said okay I have to go, I gave him one more small huge and left. But as I was walking to my car I said to myself, "Wait a minute. If I'm never going to see him again why am I so quick to leave?"

So I walk back to where he was and told him that and he said that that was a good point and he put his arm around me and then we went to the office with a group of us and got his certificate. He was making dinner plans with his friends and his dad on the phone when he asked me if I would like to come and I said okay and we went. I spent the night with him and it was fabulous to be with him again but every time I thought about not getting to see him ever again- I forgot to mention he is going into the army in a month- there was a sharp pain in my chest.

After dinner we were leaving the restaurant and I said my final goodbye and he gave me one last hug, probably the last hug I will ever receive from him.

Though I don't have much, I do have some hope of being reunited with him sometime later in life. After all, I was reunited with Jonathan. It's possible: it has happened before. It could happen again when I least expect it.

Virginia Faith at 5:53 PM

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Thursday, June 02, 2005

I am too obsessive. I am always worrying about whether I made the right impression on someone and if I said exactly the right thing. I care too much about what people think of me. I worry so much that I won't let myself forget about something that didn't go perfectly to point that I make myself feel sick and I can't think of anything else. Good grief...

By the way, does anyone know any good quotes?

Virginia Faith at 9:48 PM

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{xoxo}