Tuesday, November 14, 2006

I have spent several hours in the past 4 days in front of my TV addicted to Everwood. I think the reason for this is that even though my life lately has had enough drama to become an award winning film, those folks in everwood continue to trump my personal obstacles. Somehow boyfriend in a coma out does bi-polar boyfriend. And even though my life has been raining for the past couple weeks, in the past couple days to rainbow is beginning to show it's self from behind the storm. It is funny how screamo emo can cheer a person up. There is nothing like playing music with a band so loud you fear that your eardrums might burst, which would actually be semi appropriate what with it being an emo band. And then while I watch Jeremy sing, I can't help but forget that my boyfriend is partially psycho. And then after spending all weekend with Jeremy, thinking to myself, "I wonder if I would really leave Jim for him.", I walk down the hall excited because I am not going to be antisocial for once, and I am gonna spend my lunch period with him and his friends. And then I see him walk down the hall, hand in hand with Nikki. I follow them for awhile just to watch them get into a car together and drive away. I then decide to go to a Power walking make up instead, but meanwhile, I can't shake the burning image in my mind of their hands intertwined. Then I realize that I no longer feel the same way about my relationship with Mr. Ross, and have moved on to preferring Mr. Willis, whose real name should truly be Mr. Holland. Mr. Willis is an amazing person, more of a colleague than a teacher, as he is supposed to be. And today as I prepare to go to UNR to fight that battle that is Jim, I can barely breath between the butterflies in my stomach and the irregular beating of my heart. But when I get there I am pleasantly surprised to see that he has shaved and that his lips are no longer chapped like an old tomato. He is smiling, and when I asked him how his violin lesson was, he replied that it was good. We hang out for awhile, and then head over to class, early in fact. We have a very redeeming conversation on our way. I have my Jim back. My Jim, my talented, intelligent, tender, and romantic Jim. And now as I think about having lunch with my new band member, I find it hard to grasp the thought of balancing both Jeremy and Jim. And as I type this I can't help but think about how James would say that I have a thing for guys whose names start with the letter "J". Ultimately it was me who saved him, or was it is own fear-the fear of losing me? I hope I am not naive to think that this contentment with Jim will last, but I can't help but think about the words he whispered into my ear as I was preparing to leave his house tonight back into the cold. "You've won. I fell for you."

Virginia Faith at 10:01 PM

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{xoxo}

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