Saturday, November 11, 2006

I have been desperately trying to finish compositions that I have started but not finished lately to send into colleges. I finally finished Clint's piece on Tuesday, which is good because it will be the one the band plays in February. Now I have three solid pieces that I can send in that I feel confident about. I would like to have one more though. This means I either have to start a new piece, or finish James' piece. I don't have a whole lot of new inspiration at the moment, so I fear that starting a new piece would be difficult. But at the same time finishing James' piece seems even harder. I was able to finish Clint's Piece because he is not really of interest to me anymore in that way. That chapter is over, for lack of a better way to put it, even though he is still of my closest friends. But the thought of finishing James' piece is like throwing in the towel--for good. And where I know I might as well, I still can't for some reason. The worst part is that even though Jim means so much to me, whenever Jim upsets me, and James tries to make me feel better, it ends up making me feel worse because I know James would never do that kind of thing. I know James will eventually read this., but I don't care. Courage is the thing I need most right now. Courage to be strong for Jim, courage to be strong for myself, and Courage to close the door to a feeling I hate to admit I know I will never achieve.

Virginia Faith at 12:06 AM

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{xoxo}

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