Uncanny Strange Dejavu

Saturday, July 07, 2007

I haven't blogged in along while. And even when I do post, it has not been consistent. It will hopefully continue to be this way, because honestly, the reason I haven't posted is because things have been awesome. Nick and I have been better than ever. This is hands down the best relationship I have ever had and he would tell you the same thing.

One terrible thing did happen recently however. My mom had recently been dating a guy for 8 months. He was her first real boyfriend since my parents divorced. She broke up with him on Tuesday. I wasn't especially fond of the guy so I was fine with the breakup. But I was having dinner with mother yesterday, followed by watching the season premiere of Doctor Who, when we received a visit by the Sparks Police Department. They found her ex-boyfriend's dead body that night. My mother was devastated. Naturally she blamed herself. And my sister's and I felt nothing but helplessness for there was nothing we could really do to make our mother feel better.

Virginia Faith at 7:17 PM

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Tuesday, June 26, 2007

I re-read an old conversation tonight. April 7, 2007, two amazing guys fought over me. The things they said about me for 25 pages, they were amazing. But I can't help but fear that the one that is much nearer no longer feels those words. He mentioned countless times how much he adores me. But I'm just going to say it, I don't feel adored. I try to get him to flirt with me, to try and seduce me, but nothing seems to work. I am afraid to talk to him because I can't handle hearing that he doesn't adore me anymore. As long as I ignore it, there is a chance that is isn't true. I don't want to confirm one of my biggest fears.

It's been a month since he told me he loves me. I still love him.

Virginia Faith at 2:59 AM

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Monday, June 25, 2007

I have no idea what this is a photo of, but it is awesome. It was taken by good friend of mine. If you have n idea of what it is, let me know.

Virginia Faith at 8:43 PM

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Sunday, May 27, 2007

This weekend has been awesome. This is the longest period of time I have managed to stay happy in a very long time. I miss Nick, but the fact that he is away and we have still been able to talk to each other pretty much all day shows how strong our relationship has become. Even though I miss him, this weekend was amazing because for the first time I was able to tell a boyfriend just exactly how I feel about him.

I went to the Passed Judgment concert tonight. I originally went as a spectator. I love live music. It is one of my strongest passions. There was an AMAZING band there from Seattle called The Real You. I encourage everyone to look them up on myspace. I talked to them so much. There is really nothing better than talking to hot, talented musicians. Well that's not exactly true, but it is fun. So later the kids from passed judgment made made me go home and get my violin so that I could perform with them, which I gladly did. It is my favorite feeling in the world to be on stage performing in front of a large crowd, playing the music genre that you love. I get so sick of classical sometimes. But it the best feeling ever to play loud heartfelt rock music and dance with your instrument on stage. It was amazing. I also got to hang out with our super cute lead guitarist. It was probably the most friendly he has ever to me. He just came right up to me and hugged me when I got there, which he has never done before. I really had fun.

I thought this weekend would be awful without Nick. I do miss him, but I had a great weekend.

Here is the link for that band: http://www.myspace.com/therealyou

Virginia Faith at 11:04 PM

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I know I should go to sleep right now, but I just don't want to waste such a good feeling. I have felt it before, but I have never said it in fear that the feeling would not be returned. I never thought I would say it to this Nick either, just because I never thought in a million years that he would love me back. But he does, and now I will probably sit here listening to sappy love songs by Nat Cole King until the sun comes up, wishing it were Tuesday.

Virginia Faith at 1:40 AM

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Saturday, May 26, 2007

Okay everyone. Here is what I need. I need everyone to stop telling me that I am in a doomed relationship. I need people to stop telling Nick to break up with me. I need people to stop telling me to break up with Nick. We are NOT breaking up, not for awhile, and it could be a long while. Forget what Nick may have told you about me in the past. That's just what it is--in the past. It doesn't matter nor apply anymore. We are happy and I don't need ANYONE contributing to my paranoia. I have enough of it without help from anyone else. So this is the last and final warning: leave my relationship alone unless I specifically ask you for advice.

Virginia Faith at 11:59 PM

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Wednesday, May 23, 2007

This is my new car, only silver. It's a Pontiac G5. I is so elegant on the inside. We spent like 4 hours at the dealership. I really wanted a Chevy HHR, but they were out of our price range. Even the used sporty cars were out of our price range (over $20,000). The more I drive my new car though, the more I love it.

Virginia Faith at 3:52 PM

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Monday, May 21, 2007

Well my car self destructed today. I'm not entirely sure what is wrong but has to do with spark plugs, threads, taking the cap off....I think I am in the right direction there. I do, however, know that it will mostly likely cost over a thousand dollars to fix. Basically, it's not worth it.

Today was my boyfriend's birthday. I had plans to take him to a nice dinner, anywhere he wanted. He decided on The Brewhouse. We had a really nice early dinner, and then we go to leave, I turn on the car, and instead of a nice hum, the car makes more of a "#*^*&#^$*%&^%" sound. Yes that's right, that is a sound--a sound of death! Thankfully Nick was there with me, because I had not a parent within hundreds of miles. Nick had a triple A card and so he called and had someone come to our aide. She got there and she was an awesome lesbian with a reverse mullet. She was unable to fix it and asked if I wanted it towed somewhere. There just happened to be a mechanic in the same shopping center so we put it in manual and pushed it over.

We waited while they talked in their mechanic jargon. They told us what was wrong and it was just a bunch of greek. I called my dad and had Nick explain to him what was wrong because honestly, I had no idea. Finally they told me I wouldn't be able to get an estimate until morning. Nick and I called a bunch of people and finally found someone to come and get us. Ricky came to our rescue and dropped me at my concert and brought Nick home.

After talking to my father, we decided that it wasn't worth it to fix, especially since he had already offered to buy me a new car. We are going to the dealer on Thursday, and hopefully I will walk away with a new set of wheels (fingers crossed).

I hope I didn't spoil Nick's birthday too much. At least he has a decent story to tell about it.

Virginia Faith at 8:49 PM

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Sunday, May 20, 2007

It is really nice that Mike and I are really getting along right now. I realize now that all of the secrets were what was making us be so unfriendly to each other. There were secrets about my life, secrets about his, and once they were all out in the open and there was definite closure, everything became great. I love seeing him so happy. I hope it lasts because he deserves to be happy. I'm not gonna lie, I am a little jealous, but not nearly as much as I thought. That is a credit to my current relationship and how happy I am, how much I genuinely want him to be happy, and to how much effort I am putting into not getting so jealous. I miss him, but he loves it there, and this will force me to make some new friends and patch up old problems with my old friends.

Virginia Faith at 11:31 PM

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It started with my eighth grade band teacher. She was a cool person. She was a lesbian. I always enjoyed having her as my teacher. She was one of those lesbians that was kind of masculine, not one of the really attractive ones. She was fun though, and she was the first lesbian I ever met. My father hated her for her life-style. But I, however, was intrigued by it. It was while I was friends with her that I started listening to the band TATU. And thus today I realized that it is because of her that I have an appreciation for the female figure. I still believe that girls are difficult to deal with personality-wise, but the female body is a beautiful piece of art (most anyway).

Virginia Faith at 10:34 PM

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This weekend was really fun. I mean, nothing extremely exciting happened, but everything with Nick is good again. For the first time, we are not involved in a love triangle. I am so sick of love triangles. It seemed like once one was over, another was there. Now it is just the two of us, and I hope it stays that way. I am really happy.

Virginia Faith at 10:28 AM

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Saturday, May 19, 2007

Katie and I made up tonight. It feels really nice to have a girlfriend to talk to. It has been really hard for me to talk to anyone about my problems in the couple of days. I thought it was because it is just too exhausting to talk about it, but I think it was more because it wasn't the right person. I really needed to talk to a girlfriend, I needed to talk to Katie. And now, as I see something I want to hold on to so badly slipping through my fingers more and more each day, I know that I will never make it through this with out her. I am so afraid. I am afraid that the best relationship I have ever had has been built on a lack of communication. I am afraid that one day the break up will be for real. I am afraid that he doesn't like me, that he never really did like me, and that he honestly doesn't want to date me. I am sick of half-truths. I need the full truth. Yes, I will cry, but I need honesty. I need to be happy again, for my health's sake. I just have a horrible feeling that isn't truly going to go away in two weeks. I have this feeling that this isn't just temporary. This is going to keep going. I want nothing more than to have a great summer full of fun with my man and my friends. --How about it?

Virginia Faith at 1:05 AM

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I am sick of love triangles.

Virginia Faith at 12:05 AM

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Friday, May 18, 2007

I am a terrible person. That's what it comes down to. I used really poor judgment, and that is unlike me. But now, it comes to this: There is no one else I want to be with. Not even a smidge. And honestly, it will kill me if he does end up being with some one else in this little "probation period" as I am choosing to call it. I had a taste of life without him earlier in the week, and I didn't like it at all. Honestly, at this point of my life I cannot function with out the guy. I went

The truth is though, he did some not okay things tonight too. Guilting and pressuring are not okay. Not to mention I don't particularly like being tested.

We will make it through the month, and eventually all will be fine. But right now I am sad, and he is my comfort when I am sad, but I can't go to him. This is one of the worst parts.

Virginia Faith at 1:03 AM

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Thursday, May 17, 2007

I hate leaving there pissed off or sad, or anything other than happy really. I hate being pressured. I hate having a curfew. I hate being guilted. I hate having a crappy car. I hate having a sore tongue. I hate it when people don't say exactly what I want them to say. I hate having my emotions so easily controlled by one person, with out that person even trying. And, I hate spiders.

I feel pretty shitty right now, but I know if I just start my homework and go to bed, then I will wake up tomorrow and be totally over it. I just wish the feeling I had an hour and a half ago were still here. I love that feeling. Why do I get so easily irritated? Let shit go. It's not even a big deal, at all.

Virginia Faith at 11:43 PM

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Tuesday, May 15, 2007

I miss him. I miss him like crazy. I haven't gone this long with out talking to him in about a month and a half. I am used to seeing him at least 6 days of the week. His phone isn't on and I have no idea where he is. I am afraid to leave my phone for even 5 seconds in case he calls even though I know he won't. Man this is pathetic. Is it Thursdays yet?

Virginia Faith at 6:38 PM

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Sunday, May 13, 2007

Last night was my final YSO concert. I was really dreading it, honestly. I did not want to sacrifice such a large portion of my Saturday for a stupid YSO concert. But I have to admit it was fun. We played while they shot fireworks right above us. I'm glad I knew most of the music pretty well so I got to watch a good portion of the fireworks. I got really interesting every now and then when a spark would fly right on top of our conductor, or when a fire would start across the street. James and Clint came and that was nice. I got to see them twice in one weekend, which usually is abnormal, but it was nice. I missed them. Afterward I went over to Nick's house and I definitely left with a smile. I was even able to tolerate lunch with my mother and her boyfriend today.

Virginia Faith at 4:54 PM

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Friday, May 11, 2007

I have realized tonight that my life is never going to be drama free, especially in the near future. This is a truism I must learn to except. My goal is to stop becoming miserable by drama and learn to just deal with it.

Tonight I went to Nick's after a mostly nice dinner with my old friends. I laid there with Nick and cried while he passed out. I didn't understand at first, I thought he was just sleeping so I thought to myself, "How can you just fall asleep with me laying on your shoulder crying so violently?" I don't know that he knew I was crying until he woke up with my black make-up on his shirt. Finally I sat up and looked at him with his closed eyes. He was twitching. "Look at me." He partially opened his eyes and then closed them. "Look at me!" He wouldn't even open them at all this time. So I decided I couldn't sit there and watch him sleep. So I got up, tried to wake him up to tell him I was leaving, and he wouldn't wake up. I whispered, "Baby. Babe wake up." Nothing. I touched my hand to his face, nothing. I kissed his arm, nothing. "Baby wake up. NICK." "hum?" "I'm gonna go." "Hm-k."

I grabbed my stuff, and walked out of his apartment. I got outside, leaned on the railing and started to cry loudly. Then I began to think. It came down to this: I could be miserable at Jim's, my ex-boyfriend, 21st birthday party, or I could be miserable alone at home. When it came down to it, I didn't care that he was asleep. I'd rather be miserable right where I was. So I went down to my car, got my laptop, and went back up to the apartment to find him just where I left him.

I sat down, pulled out my laptop and played a countless number of games of solitaire. It was almost silent in the room. Every now and then there would be a noise from outside, or from a room neighboring his. Nick would roll over or wake up slightly and itch his nose, which was good because it let me know he was still alive and breathing. Most of the noise in that hour and a half though was from his pet rat, Fink. The rat rarely comes out and socializes when I am there, possibly because of the faint aroma of cat that settles on my clothing. But this time she came out and she was sneezing, scratching, cleaning herself, eating, climbing...that rat was busy. She really is a cute thing. She kept me company. I wanted him to wake up so badly. I keep thinking, "maybe if Fink makes enough noise he will wake up." But he didn't. Maybe if Mike comes home he will wake up. So I waited for Mike to get there.

Mike finally did come home. He walked into the open door to Nick's room and found me sitting at his desk, make-up smeared, computer in lap. It was at that moment that I realized that maybe he hadn't just fallen asleep, and maybe, just maybe it was a good thing that I had come back. Mike and I talked for awhile. I always knew Mike was a really cool guy, but he really showed it that night. Nick is lucky to have him as such a close friend. I don't know if Nick heard us talking. He woke up about ten minutes after Mike and I finished our conversation. Ultimately I think it was the noise form the television that woke him up.

He woke up, we talked a little, and then we went out and hung out with Mike. If i had left when I did, I would have left feeling sad and hopeless. I stayed, and I came home and didn't cry. I wouldn't say I am happy, oh no. I wouldn't say that I am content. Right now I am breathing. I just wish I could make this go away for him. I know I focus a lot on how I feel about this, but it is because I want him to be okay. I am used to fixing things when they go bad, but I don't know how to fix this. I don't think it is in my power.

Virginia Faith at 11:49 PM

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My jury went really well today. I played, i finished, and..."You played much better today than you did on Tuesday." I'll say. I told him I could play better. Sometimes he just doesn't listen.

I saw my old Pakistani friend Mikaal today. Man did I miss that boy. It seems though, no matter how hard we try, we can never keep contact and then we go a year with out seeing each other and magically we just end up in the same place at the same time. It is a mysterious relationship really.

I used to have a huge crush on him if you remember, and I did find myself thinking, well I suppose I could still date him, after all I am in an open relationship. But seriously, how dumb would that be to get involved with another guy for three weeks and then end it. Not a good idea. I don't even see a fling happening because honestly most of the guys I hang out with are relationship guys more than fling guys. The one that is not, for reasons passing my understanding, doesn't want to. This is why there is absolutely no reason for the open relationship deal, it is just unnecessary.

And as I sit here writing this I find out that none of this even matters because my boyfriend may be taken away from me. I don't know when, where, or even for how long. God dammit I am so fucking sick of drama.

I am already losing one friend in a week. I cannot handle losing the two people who are right now my closest friends at the same time.

Virginia Faith at 5:45 PM

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Thursday, May 10, 2007

Tonight was good. I had fun. Benadryl is a wondrous drug. When we are good, we are good. I feels natural to sit there like that with him. I am happy tonight. This is what summer will be like. I lot of happy fun times. I wish I could fast forward four weeks so that I could just get to that. But on the other hand I don't want the next week to end because I know that that absence is going to be so hard for me at first. It feels like no matter how hard I try I cannot catch up on sleep. Even if I get several hours of sleep, I am still exhausted within six hours.

Virginia Faith at 10:15 PM

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I realized today that I have lost track of my goal to be thin this summer. I don't remember how it was so easy for me to stay motivated the last time. Just another 30 pounds, that's all. I would love to be able to wear a bikini this summer and show off my cute belly button piercing (that I don't have yet). It would be awesome to start next semester and when everyone sees me again to get this awesome dropped jaw expression about how much thinner I look. I find that it is actually easier for me to lose weight when I am not dating anyone. It was the year that I didn't hook up with anyone that I was able to lose that first 30 pounds. I think I get into this mind set that is "I have a guy, why would I need to lose weight?" Now I want to do it for me, not anyone else. Come to think of it, there are a lot of things I should be doing for myself more. Sometimes I care what other people want too much.

Virginia Faith at 2:00 PM

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Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Nick decided he wants to have an open relationship until I move out and am therefore away from my cats. He says "this is for you babe." I guess I am okay with this but honestly I am so sick of the open relationship deal. That's the main reason why I picked Nick over Mike. I can't do open relationships. I am way too jealous. Its only for two weeks. I can deal with it for two weeks.

Virginia Faith at 11:03 PM

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Tuesday, May 08, 2007

My boyfriend won't even come within a foot of me because he is allergic to the cats in my house. How am i supposed to go the next 23 days with out being able to be within a foot of my boyfriend? I saw Clint tonight. I missed him so much. It was nice. He said he isn't mad at me, and i don't know if i believe him but I was just so happy to see him. I don't want to go another month without him.

Virginia Faith at 10:49 PM

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Saturday, May 05, 2007

I am in a situation with no good endings. I am in a room with no windows and no doors. I am choking on my own tears. I am bitter toward him for putting me in this situation. But being bitter will only make it worse. Love is a horrible thing. I don't care what anyone tells you. I wonder if in two years when I think back to my life right now if I truly will miss it like I do with every other time of my life. I think there is one part that I will miss, and that is the part that I already miss. I am so tired of crying over this. I got a break from crying Thursday and Friday night because I was actually happy. It is genuinely amazing how quickly things turn around. I am physically exhausted from this. My throat hurts. My body can not healthily take this much longer. I have lost friends, I have lost loves, I have lost self-esteem, I have lost happiness. Is it worth it? I just don't know that it actually is.

Virginia Faith at 11:46 PM

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Sunday, April 29, 2007

Clint hung out with James a couple days ago. This was right after he told me that he was so incredibly busy and that he couldn't possibly have time for a highscooler like me. Apparently Clint and Katie hung out last night. Neither one of them called me. Let's recap: Clint has time for everyone of his friends--except me. When/how did this happen? Is it seriously just because of who I am dating? That is bull shit. If he was dating someone I didn't like I would not just stop hanging out with him all together. I want my best friend back.

Virginia Faith at 12:57 AM

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I got home tonight, parked my car, and while looking at the bright night lights of Reno, with a sappy love song playing on the radio, I fell apart completely. I cried as if my world were crashing into a million pieces. Sometimes that's exactly how if feels. This summer will be great. In fact I will probably be very happy after the next three weeks have passed. But in the same time I don't want the next three weeks to end. Distance makes the heart grow fonder? What if the heart is already as fond as it can possibly be? What then? I fear this feeling.

Virginia Faith at 12:04 AM

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Thursday, April 26, 2007

My best friend supposedly doesn't have time for me anymore. The problem when he says that is that I know him better than anyone else, and I know that there is a different reason. I know that when he wants to hang out with someone he will make it happen, no matter what. I am pretty sure it has to do with how much I hang out with the Sagebrush kids. But as I pointed out to him I would would say I hang out with the Sagebrush kids, I hang out with a handful of them. I regularly hang out with Mike and Nick, and I talk to Ricky, but other than that, none. He was supposed to take me to my prom, but he flaked out on me. Now I don't even know if I want to go. That's a lie. I want to go, but I don't know if I will. Maybe I will ask James if he wants to go. I remember him saying that he would be okay with going to this year's senior prom. Though at the time I was so set on going with Clint. There is no way I am taking my boyfriend. I know he doesn't want to go to a stupid high school prom, but he would probably go if I asked him, so I won't do that.

Virginia Faith at 12:09 PM

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Tuesday, April 24, 2007

This is going to be hard, i just know it. If I can make it through the end of May I will be fine. So many things change at the end of May: one week left of school, I move into my first house, Mike leaves. Everything changes.

Virginia Faith at 1:52 PM

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Monday, April 23, 2007

Oh my god I made a horrible mistake.

Virginia Faith at 10:08 PM

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Monday, April 16, 2007

I'm dating Nick now.
That makes me very happy.

I got the Morby Fine Arts Scholarship, $7,500.
That makes me happy.

The 18,000 dollars I have accumulated in scholarships is still not enough to pay for my undergraduate education.
This makes me furious.

I wish I were with Nick right now.
I hate Mondays.

Labels: I HATE Mondays

Virginia Faith at 10:32 PM

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Friday, April 13, 2007

My Cccccrrrrazy love life has finally calmed down and found a wonderful balance. Nick's persistence finally got me and after a week of mass amounts of drama, I broke things off with Mike (I still cant believe I did that), and I am now dating Nick.

Right now, though, I am in California for some dumb orchestra festival missing my man like crazy. The great thing is I didn't actually believe that I would be able to fall for him like this. I thought there was no way I would get over Mike. But I did. I did and I know I made the right decision. I really tried to be "dating" girl, and that is still fine if that's my only option. But I really prefer to be girlfriend girl. Nick and I have so much in common and I love our conversations. I pretty much love all of our time together. It is unfortunate that all of my friends hate him, but hopefully they will learn to get over that because I eally like him. I think I am going to be really happy with Nick, happier than I have been since my first Nick...maybe even more.

Sleep well Kurt Vonnegut.

Virginia Faith at 7:15 AM

1 Comments:

im happy for you! you guys really deserve each other!!!

By Anonymous, at 11:37 AM

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Today has been an awful day. I woke up and I was so tired from talking to Nick on AIM until like 1:30 A.M., which I have been doing pretty much every night lately. I went to school and slept through most of my classes, again. But I wanted to leave Reno High early today because I had a class at UNR that I wanted to prepare for. Normally I would just leave, with out a care in the world, but today I had a test in my last class. So I went and asked the teacher if I could come and take the test in an earlier class. I see people come in and take tests during our class all the time.

"Can I come in and take the test in third period?"
"No. Thats ridiculous."
"Fine."
And then I walked out on his ass. Jerk.

After the test I went home and practiced frantically for about twenty minutes. I was extremely stressed out, and i go to put up a knew AIM away message and I see a message from Katie.

"We should probably talk at some point, Virginia."

I hate it when she says my name like that at the end of a sentence.

Then I go to my lesson, which wasn't that bad, as it it never is. But it was still stressful. After my lesson I go down the orchestra room for class, I sit down in my seat and the teacher looks at me.

"What are you doing here? Isn't there an Allstate rehearsal today?"
"Shit."
Shit shit shit!

I get there and give them the old "I had a flat tire." excuse. It worked. Then I go to teach a lesson, which is fine but boring, especially on days I don't get paid. I leave and Nick calls and tells me something came up and we can't hang out tonight. I was fine with everything else that went wrong today. But this was just so heartbreaking and disappointing. I really wanted to hang out with him tonight. I miss him. Talking on AIM just doesn't do it the same way. And now I may not get to see him at all until maybe Tuesday, and if not then, another 5 days. This sucks. I miss him. And now I am going to stop writing about this before the wetness in my eyes becomes crying.

So after that I called Mike so see what he was doing. If I can't hang out with Nick then maybe I can see my other man. I call him and he is doing laundry and then he had a meeting for the Sagebrush at 8:30. No mike either. How is it that I am seeing like 3 guys and I can't see a one of them tonight?

I'm sad, disappointed, and lonely......hum, I'm gonna listen to some Grandaddy.

Virginia Faith at 7:01 PM

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Sunday, April 08, 2007

I Like them both. But I like one of them more. I can't help but think this is going to end in tears. God knows it started in tears. And every time it comes up between now and June it is gonna make me start to tear. I know it will. I just can't help but think that Mike is going to break my heart, and I am gonna break Nick's heart. (Nick D, get over it!) I like Mike so much. But I know he isn't going to want to be with me much longer. So somehow I have to cherish every last moment, while still trying my hardest to lessen my attachment to him. My strategy for doing this is by slowly decreasing my attachment to Mike and transferring it to Nick. Like a Balance, and right now there are 80 M&Ms on one side and 20 M&Ms on the other, and one by one the M&Ms will be removed from one side and replaced on the other. That is the only way I can see this happening peacefully. I am like 98% sure I will have no trouble strengthening the bond between me and Nick. That will be easy and it is inevitable. But I fear I will have a hard time lessening my feelings for Mike. What will happen is I will have to buy more M&Ms to put on Nick's side because we will still be getting closer, but I won't be able to take them away from Mike's side. I think I can manipulate my own thoughts to make this work though.

Virginia Faith at 11:14 PM

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Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Mike definitely likes at least two other girls more than me. This is going to be difficult. I am such a jealous person. I don't know how I am going to be able to handle this. Like right now, I am so consumed by this I can barely think about anything else, let alone fall asleep. I wish I could make my jealousy go away. I wish jealousy didn't exist. But I am just a dumb high schooler and now I am being unrealistic.

Virginia Faith at 11:12 PM

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Maybe these sagebrush kids actually have it right with this apathy stuff. I am seriously considering giving this method of living a try.

I realized today that my social life for the next 3 weekends is going to be essentially non-existent. This weekend is Easter, and in a religious family that is big deal. I have church rehearsal tomorrow night and Thursday, good Friday service on Friday, and then three services Sunday morning. Next weekend I have to go to Disneyland with the orchestra Thursday through Sunday. The weekend after I will be in Las Vegas Thursday through Sunday. Hopefully I will be able to hang out with people on some weekday nights. Or, maybe it will be good to take a break and allow people to miss me. They say distance makes the heart grow fonder.

Virginia Faith at 12:13 PM

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Monday, April 02, 2007

I didn't get into NEC. I guess I am staying here. I'm gonna go practice now.

Virginia Faith at 2:44 PM

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Sunday, April 01, 2007

I am pretty much mad at everyone right now. I hope things go back to normal (less drama) soon--very soon.

Virginia Faith at 11:18 PM

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I wish none of it had happened.
I hate secrets.
I hope things peacefully go back to normal.
I want to stop liking Clint.
Clint wants me to stop liking Clint.
Or so I think.
Who would know with him.
He tells one person one thing, and you another.
Stop telling Lies.
I can't wait to see Kenny tomorrow.
Maybe I should just stay away from everyone for awhile.
I am over reacting.
I wish I could hear people's thoughts.

Virginia Faith at 7:45 PM

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Saturday, March 31, 2007

I feel like there is finally balance to my life again. Tonight was an amazing night. I went to a piano recital with Mike at the Steinway store. I got to play on a beautiful piano, met a pianist named Otto who I should be performing with in the near future, met another person who wants me to do a solo recital for an on-going concert series, and had an amazingly fun time hanging out with Mike afterward. I'm not sure why this night was what it took for my emotions to become stable again. I still plan on dating Kenny, and possibly Clint (though probably not).

I got two tattoos yesterday. One on my left shoulder of a Yamaha Silent Electric Violin (http://www.yamaha.co.jp/english/product/strings/silent_electric/silent_v/images/sv200anim.gif), and the other is of two sixteenth notes on the back of my neck. I have gotten so many compliments on both of them. I love them, and people love them. They really fit my personality and my image too. I may end up regretting them (though I doubt it), but I feel like it isn't that bad of a guilt to live with. It's not like I murdered someone. Besides, a very large portion of people in my generation have tattoos. It really just isn't that big of a deal anymore. The pain was totally tolerable. It hurt at first, and it hurt when he was coloring the fingerboard of the violin. But as long as I kept talking or humming I was fine. Tattoos are all about keeping your mind occupied as to not think about the pain. I'm really glad Clint was there with me, and it definitely helped to have an attractive guy drawing the tattoo.

Virginia Faith at 1:41 AM

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Wednesday, March 28, 2007

I have made a mess of my emotions. Maybe I don't want Clint most. When I listen to hip hop music I can't stop thinking about Kenny and it makes me crazy. When I am online I am always playing this game that Mike got me addicted to. I miss having him call me Kit Kat Bar. I loved that. But the thought of Clint not coming with me tomorrow is unbearable, though I know he wouldn't bail on me. I hate that there is a good chance he will ditch me for Emily on Friday night. Katie may or may not still be mad at me. I realized just how much Mike is still infatuated with Emily tonight. Cripple is still indifferent to me. The only time he liked talking to me was when I was dating Mike. I am not feeding his little game with Katie anymore. Sure it was entertaining, but I am so sick of him calling me high school when he acts as high school as it gets. I spent a good portion of time defending Clint to Mike tonight. They seriously dislike each other, because of me and Emily (I have a feeling more because of Emily honestly). I truly believe what I said to him though: No one else knows Clint like I do. No one. I don't know what I want. What do I want? Tell me what I want! I want Mike to call me Kit Kat Bar.

Labels: Kit Kat Bar

Virginia Faith at 11:41 PM

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I am getting my first and probably second tattoo tomorrow. Marked for life, literally, as Clint would say. Thankfully Clint is going with me. He went with me to get my nose pierced, I went with him to get his tattoo, now he goes with me. I'm not sure why, but we are each other's comforter or something. I think he wanted me there to seem cool, but I need him there for comfort. I am so incredibly nervous. I don't take pain well, but I love anything that reinforces who I am, and makes me unique. I really want this tattoo.

Virginia Faith at 10:20 PM

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Sunday, March 25, 2007

This is my order:
1. Clint
2. Mike
3. A boy whose name I can not yet say
4. Kenny

The weird thing is that Clint is NOT the most attractive person in that list. But oh my god if he would just open up his eyes and see that we are best friends for a reason, that reason being that we are so compatible, maybe, just maybe I wouldn't be so frustrated with him right now. He needs to learn to finish things that he starts. Emotions are not like a Sunday afternoon project that you get bored of and decide you will finish next weekend but then never actually do.

As for Mike, it is hard for me to put him second on the list, because this feeling inside of me tells me that I want to be with him more than any person in the world, and I can assure that if I had not been pining for Clint and not had so much history with Clint that Mike would be number one. I would also say that Mike deserves to be number one, but the truth is he doesn't deserve a second chance with me. And sadly, even though I recognize this, I am practically shoving a second chance down his throat though I know he could live just fine with out one.

No. 3 is a very attractive guy. He is sweet and we actually have things in common, like a passion for good music. I thought about putting him first because when it comes down to it, I don't choose to be dating girl. I would much prefer to be girlfriend girl. I want to be the one that isn't sickeningly lovey, but the couple that gives a little kiss or rub on the back as the other walks by.

But the god's honest truth is that I can not believe that I am not pawning for Kenny over all of them right now. I was completely infatuated with him. He was amazing to me, and always will be amazing to me, and he didn't deserve me deserting him completely out of the blue. I am happy to see him tomorrow.

I don't even feel like my love life is in my hands right now. I am playing the waiting game. I wait for Clint to stop being an idiot, I wait for Mike to decide whether or not he wants to date me with out being my boyfriend and then act on his decision, I wait for James to talk to talk to No. 3 for me, and though I don't really wait for anything with Kenny, I know that our "one date a week if it works out" situation is not really fair to him.

Virginia Faith at 10:40 PM

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Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Today while I went from class to class, there were a few people that I could briefly say, "Yeah, Mike decided he didn't want to date me anymore." But there was no one I could sit and tell the whole story to. This is an unfortunate situation because that is one of my big ways of coping: I need to talk about it. So by my third class I felt like shit and decided to start randomly writing my thoughts on a the back of a sundry paper writing in any and every direction.

After this strategy, talking about it with a couple people, and seeing him today, I have come to this conclusion:
1. Part of the reason he didn't want to date me is because I'm a high schooler.
2. I am pretty sure The Cripple had a contributing factor in Mike's decision.

This being said, though I feel like I have had no closure and will there for not be able to fully get over Mike, I will wait until he returns from his summer internship to push for any reuniting, that is if in fact I do still have feelings for him.

Another interesting event this evening:

Clint: If we do every hook up, lets not tell Katie.
Me: But Katie is the biggest advocate of you and me dating.
Clint: I know. That's why should hide it.

This may seem inconsequential to some, but to me it says that Clint does in fact think about the possibility of a Me and Him. There is potential there. This was a refreshing dialogue, because before I felt like for sure there was no hope. When it comes down to it though, Clint and I are compatible.

Virginia Faith at 10:15 PM

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I got wait listed at San Fransisco Conservatory. Jerks! So far I am 1 for 2. Lets see if we can make it 2 for 3....? Pleeeeaaassseee......

Virginia Faith at 3:16 PM

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Tuesday, March 20, 2007

He broke up with me. I didn't see it coming, but I'm not sure if I'm surprised. I am really sad. I don't know what else to say. I wish it had lasted longer. I wasn't burnt out on him yet. I don't think it was time. But I guess it's not really my decision to make.

Virginia Faith at 10:09 PM

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Sunday, March 18, 2007

This relationship is causing me large amounts of stress earlier than any other relationship I've been in. There are four reasons for this:

(not in order of importance)
1. I hate Annie.

I don't even know Annie...pretty much at all. But I don't think she likes me, and I feel threaten by her, not to mention a general intimidation. It didn't help that on my first date with Mike she came to his house just to yell at him.

2. I may or may not be attracted to the cripple.

Mike is absolutely more attractive, but Nick (cripple) has a very attractive personality. That's not to say Mike doesn't, because he does. But Nick is so arrogant and there is just something about the whole asshole complex that I totally dig. Not to mention that boy has been through so much in a mere twenty years. I hope that I will have as many kick ass life stories as he does at age twenty, throughout my whole life. I was totally flirting with him last night, while also flirting with my boyfriend (DANGER WILL ROBINSON! DANGER!) It is still bothering me how much more Nick flirted with Katie even though I know that if I weren't dating one of his closest friends, he would have been hitting on me too.

3. I am in high school.

Granted a couple of other people in the circle are dating high schoolers, but they are never around. And I hate that I am in high school. It is cramping my style.

4. There is an enormous amount of history between Clint (Mike's co-worker) and me.

I can not tell the difference between when Clint is being jealous, and when Clint is being protective like a big brother. But last night, he was being clingy. He would not leave me or Mike alone. If I moved to one side of the room, he would follow. And where it totally wouldn't surprise me if Clint didn't even know he was doing this, it was really annoying. Mike and Clint do not get along, and I know I am responsible for that. But both of them have to realize that neither one of them is going anywhere anytime soon. Mike is my boyfriend; Clint is one of my best friends. What could have but didn't happened between me and Clint in the past is just that--in the past.

Virginia Faith at 5:39 PM

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Wednesday, March 14, 2007

I realized today what the best part of spring break is. Yes, the whole no school part definitely makes things good, but that isn't the part I enjoy most. My favorite part is that you don't have to slow down for school zones. No school zones!

This week as been like the following:
- Hang out with Clint
- Hang out with Mike
- Go home and talk to Mike on AIM
- Spend night at Katie's
- Repeat

Katie and I went house/apartment hunting today. It was fun while we were driving around. We would slow down to get the phone number on a sign, and try to get out of the way of other cars, but then we would end up inconveniencing them even more. I'm surprised no one flipped us off. The weird thing, is that we will probably end up living in her boyfriend's sister's old house. After we were done driving around I went home and called all the places and ruled out all of the other than a couple that I waiting for calls back from and the BF's sister's house. Unfortunately, we can't move into that one until August. So if we go that route, i have to either suck it up and live here for 2 months longer than I would like, or live with my dad during the summer. Living with my dad would be a good way for me, and prob him, to save a few bucks this summer, but I think my mom would probably get mad.

I have a new guy. He is amazing. Much more normal than...actually he is the most normal boyfriend I have ever had. He is older, but then again they all have. Sometimes when we talk on AIM I get worried that he is annoyed by me. It's is possible that we will be one of those couples that argue about the dumbest shit and actually yell at each other but then kiss and make up not knowing what we originally were arguing about. But then he says something sweet, and I know I am just paranoid.

Virginia Faith at 3:25 PM

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Thursday, March 01, 2007

I always notice, always. This year is never the same with out my friends there at school with me. And where as I always miss them , I always miss them more when they actually are at school. They all come and visit every now and then. James used to more last semester, but he has a job now so I don't think he even could anymore. But Katie and Clint come, and I always appreciate them so much more than usual when they are there in that environment. Clint came today, and it was weird because I really missed him. Last year we sometimes could hardly stand the sound of each other's name. I never even thought I would be able to keep up the friendship I have with all of them, being a lowly high schooler. But the weird thing is, with Katie and Clint at least, we are actually better friends this year. It's nice because when I hang out with them, I don't feel like the odd [wo]man out because I'm a high schooler. I feel like I am hanging out with my friends, and that is a really cool feeling.

Virginia Faith at 3:43 PM

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Wednesday, February 21, 2007

This birthday has been pretty good. New labtop, cute boy who loves me, a piece of metal in my nose, new piece of medal in my ear, and some other things. Clint and I went to the piercing salon, and the only way for me to not think about the fact that I was about to pay someone to stick needles in my body was to talk constantly. I don't think I ever stopped talking. In my head the beach boys song "Big Girls Don't Cry" kept playing over and over in my head. And surprisingly, I didn't cry. Though I'm sure the boys in the salon still laughed their asses off at the girl who never stopped talking after I left. The boy that did the deed was pretty attractive which was good because it helped to keep my attention off of the pain. My nose hurt like a total bitch. My ear not so much. However ironically at this moment the one that bothers me is my ear. I don't know how I am going to sleep. I can't sleep on my left side because of my nose. But I also can't sleep on my right side because of my ear. Ideally the pain reliever I just took will kick in any moment so that I won't feel anything anyway. But now, in this last hour of my life as a minor, all I can make myself think about (other than the throbbing in my ear) is what that adorable boy is doing right now.

Virginia Faith at 10:53 PM

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Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Valentine's Day Pro-Con List

Pros
- Flowers and Card from mother
- Chocolates from mother's boyfriend
- Conversation hearts and scented candle from private student
- Nice dinner with best friend

Cons
- No boyfriend
- The next con, if it is indeed a con, can not be explained in a single bullet. He is the perfect guy, but as there is always a catch to the perfect anything, he has a girlfriend. He doesn't act like it, and he even talks about me to his girlfriend, assuring me that he would never cheat on her (like this is supposed to make me feel better or something). I tell him, "Well, I guess I just have to forget the girlfriend thing and just think of you as the cute boy that flirts with me." Then he tells me how he is oh so much more than the cute boy that flirts with me. I know he doesn't want to break my heart, but he has done just that. But no matter how mad I might be one a certain point of time, five minutes later and cannot stay mad at him. I have always been fully capable of staying mad at anyone for at least a full day. Not him though. No one has ever made me smile the way he does, and in a way that is the ultimate valentine's day gift.

Virginia Faith at 10:17 PM

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Tuesday, February 06, 2007

I am the concertmaster of the 2007 Washoe County Honor Orchestra! Take that!

Virginia Faith at 8:04 PM

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Sunday, February 04, 2007

It's a good think Jim doesn't like football, or else I could have ruined a very good day for him. I care about him so much, and we have been through so much together. But I have been kidding myself this whole time trying to convince myself that we are compatable. I am the girl that has had my whole life planned out since age ten. He doesn't have his life planned out past five minutes. But I have only been broken up 2 hours and I already miss him. I truly believe we will be able to be friends still.

Virginia Faith at 4:37 PM

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Thursday, February 01, 2007

Clint came to Reno High today and we went out to lunch together. That is the kind of thing that James and I would do. He would come and spend the lunch hour with me to put me out of my misery. It's not like I am purposely trying to replace James. I think it is not so much replacement, as much as equaling the playing field. There was a day that I would always pick James over Clint, and not only is that not fair, but it wasn't really healthy for me. Now I don't have a favorite. I like them equally. They say a parent shouldn't have a favorite child, well you shouldn't have favorite friends either....well i guess it really isn't the same.

Virginia Faith at 10:26 PM

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Saturday, January 06, 2007

Maybe five months is just too long when you are my age. I I am getting tired of the whole "boyfriend" thing, or maybe it is the boyfriend I am getting sick of. So I decided to make a pro con list. Both sides are pretty even, though there is currently one side that is ahead. But there are a few points that just stick out. I really like hanging out with his friends and if I give him up I give up his friends too. One of my biggest insecurities is my stomach, but he makes me feel thin (not because he is obese, but because he tells me my stomach is flat). I have put so much effort in this relationship trying to make it work, for nothing? But on the other side there are some things that sick in my mind. I'm not even sure he actually likes me. Sure he tells me I am beautiful, but that just brings me to another "Con" point--I don't feel like he is a very sincere person. I think it is possible that with Jim I am just settling, and that I deserve someone better. But the thing that perhaps sticks out most to me, is that I am still pining for someone else.

Virginia Faith at 12:15 AM

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Wednesday, December 27, 2006

As soon as something happens to make me happy again, or I get my thoughts togather enough to make myself become content, you people purposely try to piss me off again. What do you have against me? The first thing I need when I walk through the door is not critcicm. Stop questioning my decsions, stop questioning my judgment, stop drilling me about my past present and future. Let me live my life. This constant rutine is beginning to make me physically sick. There is something seriously wrong when I don't feel like by boyfriend likes me because he doesn't tease me. What does that say about the standard I have grown up in and lived in my entire life. I am done trying to please all of you. It is time to start pleasing myself more often. Why is Jim the only person who understnads this? He has known me for a lot less time then any of the rest of you. Why is he the only one who gets me. It is like I am suposed to constantly impress you. I don't have to impress Jim. If I did I would shave my legs more often. I can be myself. Just let me be myself.

Virginia Faith at 11:28 PM

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Friday, December 15, 2006

They don't understand. No one understands. The one thing I wanted to do today more than anything was to see Nick. I was prepared to see Nick. I was willing to do anything to make it possible to see Nick. But it didn't happen. The worst part is that it could have happened. I know they all miss Nick too. He is one of all of our best friends. But Nick and I's relationship and history go beyond just best friends. And that is why they can't understand the emotion it produces when the tease me about something so serious to me. It breaks my heart to think about not getting to see him today. And it breaks even harder when I think I might not get so see him until Tuesday. Sure I wanted to go bowling too, but it wasn't the bowling. It was the lying and the let down. I came home, still crying thrashing through all the food in my kitchen praying that there is some kind of comfort food. But I had done such a good job of making sure everything in the house was healthy. The closest thing to comfort food I could find was Minestrone soup and that just wasn't doing it for me, which just made me cry harder. I had been counting down the days till Nick's return. Every day I'd say to Ross __ days till Nick comes home, until finally nick is coming home today! I kept imagining in my head the huge hug I would give him, but right now it just fells like I am never going to get to see him.

Virginia Faith at 11:42 PM

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Tuesday, November 14, 2006

I have spent several hours in the past 4 days in front of my TV addicted to Everwood. I think the reason for this is that even though my life lately has had enough drama to become an award winning film, those folks in everwood continue to trump my personal obstacles. Somehow boyfriend in a coma out does bi-polar boyfriend. And even though my life has been raining for the past couple weeks, in the past couple days to rainbow is beginning to show it's self from behind the storm. It is funny how screamo emo can cheer a person up. There is nothing like playing music with a band so loud you fear that your eardrums might burst, which would actually be semi appropriate what with it being an emo band. And then while I watch Jeremy sing, I can't help but forget that my boyfriend is partially psycho. And then after spending all weekend with Jeremy, thinking to myself, "I wonder if I would really leave Jim for him.", I walk down the hall excited because I am not going to be antisocial for once, and I am gonna spend my lunch period with him and his friends. And then I see him walk down the hall, hand in hand with Nikki. I follow them for awhile just to watch them get into a car together and drive away. I then decide to go to a Power walking make up instead, but meanwhile, I can't shake the burning image in my mind of their hands intertwined. Then I realize that I no longer feel the same way about my relationship with Mr. Ross, and have moved on to preferring Mr. Willis, whose real name should truly be Mr. Holland. Mr. Willis is an amazing person, more of a colleague than a teacher, as he is supposed to be. And today as I prepare to go to UNR to fight that battle that is Jim, I can barely breath between the butterflies in my stomach and the irregular beating of my heart. But when I get there I am pleasantly surprised to see that he has shaved and that his lips are no longer chapped like an old tomato. He is smiling, and when I asked him how his violin lesson was, he replied that it was good. We hang out for awhile, and then head over to class, early in fact. We have a very redeeming conversation on our way. I have my Jim back. My Jim, my talented, intelligent, tender, and romantic Jim. And now as I think about having lunch with my new band member, I find it hard to grasp the thought of balancing both Jeremy and Jim. And as I type this I can't help but think about how James would say that I have a thing for guys whose names start with the letter "J". Ultimately it was me who saved him, or was it is own fear-the fear of losing me? I hope I am not naive to think that this contentment with Jim will last, but I can't help but think about the words he whispered into my ear as I was preparing to leave his house tonight back into the cold. "You've won. I fell for you."

Virginia Faith at 10:01 PM

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Saturday, November 11, 2006

I want to pinch myself and wake up and see that it has all been a dream. I want to go back to when things were simple--when things were new and exciting, that first time he invited me to hang out with him, that romantic night in Tahoe, the cool summer night on the roof, driving up and down Mt. Rose highway, playing bluegrass music with complete strangers. It has been three months and one week, but this last month has felt like an eternity. I don't know how it got so complicated so quickly. How did I not notice before? How did I let him get like this? Why can't I fix it? I feel like I am so wrapped up in this alter-existence that i barely have time to consull my friends with their problems. It was so fun that first month. I want that back. I want the guy that smiles and talks about philosophy with me. I want the guy who talked about literature with me. I want the guy who opened up and talked about his family and his past with me. What happened to that guy? We have been through so much, and things may not be so exciting anymore, but I can't turn my back on him. I can't back out--not now--not while he is like this. What kind of a person would that make me--to turn my back on such a close person to me? It is just a dream.

Virginia Faith at 12:31 AM

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I have been desperately trying to finish compositions that I have started but not finished lately to send into colleges. I finally finished Clint's piece on Tuesday, which is good because it will be the one the band plays in February. Now I have three solid pieces that I can send in that I feel confident about. I would like to have one more though. This means I either have to start a new piece, or finish James' piece. I don't have a whole lot of new inspiration at the moment, so I fear that starting a new piece would be difficult. But at the same time finishing James' piece seems even harder. I was able to finish Clint's Piece because he is not really of interest to me anymore in that way. That chapter is over, for lack of a better way to put it, even though he is still of my closest friends. But the thought of finishing James' piece is like throwing in the towel--for good. And where I know I might as well, I still can't for some reason. The worst part is that even though Jim means so much to me, whenever Jim upsets me, and James tries to make me feel better, it ends up making me feel worse because I know James would never do that kind of thing. I know James will eventually read this., but I don't care. Courage is the thing I need most right now. Courage to be strong for Jim, courage to be strong for myself, and Courage to close the door to a feeling I hate to admit I know I will never achieve.

Virginia Faith at 12:06 AM

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Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Chris O'Riley and his honey Michelle are back together. I am so happy for him, I was a little worried for awhile.

Virginia Faith at 3:24 PM

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Monday, August 28, 2006

In the past two weeks I have experienced more emotion than one person should have to deal with in a year. I went from being quite cheery, to hitting an emotional rock bottom. I have lost friends, experienced one of the scariest things for a 17 year old girl, started in a school almost completely alone, felt disappointed when my man had other plans, got mad at myself for eating too much, felt hungry from not eating at all, felt abandoned while sitting next to the phone waiting for him to call, felt more jealous than I ever have in my life, felt completely helpless, and though there is more, I will stop there.

After crying at almost every moment that I was alone for the last weeks, while I drove home tonight, I couldn't cry. But this was the first time I wanted to cry. I was on the verge of tears the whole way home, and still, even now. But I find myself emotionaless and dry.

I wrote this poem during my sophomore year as an assignment in my honors English class. I think it was just before a holiday and the idea was that we would write it for a family member it give it to them, but I didn't do that.

this poem is for my friend ____
who is the best friend I have ever had
whose tired green eyes
hidden behind glasses
look back at me from a world I feel privileged
to be a part of
who helps me with my homework
who feeds me a complement
when I need one most
he drives me home after a stressful school day
in his 85 Century Buick
with a giant crack in the windshield
which grows larger every time I see it
I always complain about the falling
fabric ceiling in his car
we skate around the ice rink
talking about how I can be witty like him
afterwards we enjoy a root beer float shake
at dreamers cafe
he tells me his crazy ideas
like mailing spam
and recycling Egg Roll King
and "family joules"
he obsesses about seatbelts
if they are not put back very neatly
he asks me what he should wear the next day
and almost never actually wears what it is I tell him to wear.
sometimes he plans his clothing to clash on purpose
his style is nothing like anyone else
his musical talent is broader
than most musicians of his age
my best times have been times I spend with him
and this it why I write this poem
with great respect and compassion
to my best friend

Much of that poem is no longer true. Actually, very little of it is true. My respect and compassion remain the same, but the relationship has been through so many obstacles since then. He and I have been through countless experiences together. He is, was, and always will be a big part of my life. I feel certain that he would say the same for me. Losing him is an incredibly difficult thing for me, even though I know I am not truly losing him. It was so hard to say goodbye. I didn't want to let go. I now sit staring at the pictures of the two of us that are in frames next to my computer wearing his bracelet and the scarf he brought me back from Scotland.

He is not my best friend anymore. He is still one of my closest, but not the best. I lied to my best friend a few times tonight. But sometimes it is just necessary. I apologize, and I refuse to tell you which parts I lied about, but please know it was just so you would not treat me like I am fragile or sensitive, because I want to know what is going on inside your head. Enough said...

Virginia Faith at 9:59 PM

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Friday, August 25, 2006

This afternoon I was practicing my YSO music, when my mother walked through the door with the mail. In the mail was a package for me. I picked up the package and immediately noticed my name and address on the front in Chris' handwriting. I quickly opened the package and there it was, Chris' book. I quickly put away my violin and opened the book. Inside it was signed, "To Virginia- With Admiration and Affection. Love Always," and his signature. Admiration and affection, love always. I wonder if he knows that those few words completely made my day.

I began to play through some of the pieces. They were just as difficult as I expected. The only ones I could even attempt were the ones I had spent hours listening to over and over again, because I knew in my mind exactly how they were supposed to sound. I came up to a piece called Talk Show Host. It is my favorite piece of Chris' . I looked at the first chord, went to play it, and realized that it was not physically possible for me to reach the chord. I couldn't reach the next, or the next, or the next. The only way for me to play every note in the chords was to roll the notes, and I can affirmatively say that Chris does not play them that way. After awhile I just started leaving the top note of the chords out. My goodness Chris has a very wide reach, his music is definitely written for men, not women. Just the same, I love that I now have this book. It is so amazing; so much effort was put into every page of this book, of which there are many!

Virginia Faith at 10:44 PM

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Saturday, August 19, 2006

My Semester Schedule:

0-Strings (Willis)
1-English (Halcomb)
2-Pacific Rim (Ross)
3-AP Stats (Worthen)
4-Power Walking (Johnson)
5-AP Government (Ross)

Virginia Faith at 12:19 AM

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I stood in the hallway, standing on the freshly tiled asbestos free floor, feeling as though my purpose in life is to fix all communication errors in the public school music departments, when mystery man walks by, smiles, and tells me not to roll my eyes. I have two classes with him this semester. I fear he will be rolling his eyes at me much sooner than I will be rolling my eyes at him. Ye of little faith...

Virginia Faith at 12:13 AM

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Thursday, August 17, 2006

It is always so hard for me to leave Chris, he such an amazing man/musician.

Trip Totals:
Hugs from Chris = 5
Kisses from Chris = 3!

On Saturday night we went to an orchestra concert in Sunriver, Oregon. Chris was doing a Mozart piano concerto in the second half. I went to the will call to pick up my tickets. I gave them my name, and they were there, just as Chris said they would be! We went inside to find our seats and it was a small theater. About 200 seats total, 30 of which where upstairs in the balcony. We had balcony seats! Our seats were looking directly down at the orchestra. They were top notch celebrity seats! During the intermission I went to go look around the building. The restrooms were behind the stage, which just so happened to be very near to the room were the musicians hung out. I was wondering around this hallway, looking into what rooms I could see into. And As I walk up a pair of stairs, I look behind me momentarily and there is a man in a long black concert jacket that zooms by. I knew right away that it was him. I merely saw the back of his head, but I knew.

He went over and sat a piano and began to play something for the conductor. I walked over and stood on the other side of the piano leaning on the wall. He looks up while he is playing and I wave. Then when he stops he smiles and says "Hi Virginia!" Then after a moment he gets up from the piano and gives me a hug (happy me) and says thank you for coming and asks how my seats are. And I later said how I was quite sure I wasn't actually allowed to be seeing him before he plays, and he replied in a who cares kind of way. He told me he had just been planning out his encore. I then went back to my seat. The second half began and Chris came out and I never once took my eyes off him. It is always amazing to watch him play. And where with most pianists I prefer to watch their hands, with Chris, I most definitely prefer to watch his face. His facial expressions when he plays are so incredibly vivid. I am quite certain I have mentioned this before.

After the concert I went backstage and we visited for awhile. I told him I was playing on applying to New England Conservatory (NEC), which is the college he went to. He was very excited about this and asked me if I had told them about my composing and not just my violin work, because "they needed to know about that and my accomplisments with that". We talked a little more and then I told him I'd see him on Tuesday and he gave me a hug and a kiss goodbye and I floated out of the concert hall with a smile ear to ear.

On Tuesday we went to his recital in Bend. Our seats were in the center of the hall, not spectacular, not terrible. He played a very entertaining first half. At intermission they were selling his CDs in the lobby. Now this audience was there mostly because they are Sunriver Music Festival regulars, not Christopher O'Riley regulars. So they all wanted one of his albums, but none of them knew anything about his albums, including the people selling them. So a person asked one of the women selling the CDs a question, and she told them that a certain CD was his first radiohead album. When I heard this I quickly went over and said, "Well actually, this album is his first radiohead album," grabbing a CD from the other side of the table. From there I began to tell all of the people buying CDs about them. I would ask them what they were looking for and then tell them a little about each of his albums. One lady behind the table asked me if I wanted to switch spots with her. They were all very impressed that I knew so much about him.

I went back into the theater for the second half, and instead of returning to my seat, I went and sat in an empty seat in the front row. I thought this seat was the best in the house. I was the closest person to him, I could see every expression on his face. I could hear him hum along with the pieces. Before he started to play the next piece he began to tell a story and part of the story was about his hero coming to one of his recitals, and how this made him feel. It was quite the same way that I would feel if he ever came something of mine. Only instead of pianist to pianist, it would be composer/arranger to composer/arranger.

After the Concert I went back to the CD table and continued helping people. He soon came out to sign CDs people were purchasing. He saw me telling people about his CDs, and then the woman sitting behind the table next to him says to him, "She has been selling your CDs. She knows everything about you!" He laughed a little and simply says, "I know." Then he says, "She's my agent!" This made me smile. Then a woman asked me about his radio show. I began to tell her and then she says, "well why don't we get it here?" I told her I wasn't a local but in my city it airs at 2pm on Mondays. Then she asks me, "Do you travel with him?" I loved that question. I only wish the answer had been yes.

I handed Chris the CD I had purchased there and he signed it. The first time he signed something for me he signed "With regards,", the next it was "With warm regards,". This time it was "With Love,". We talked awhile longer and he told me he would help me with my audition/application to NEC in any way he could. It was amazing. I got another hug and kiss and said goodbye and we left.

I was thinking about everything that had just happened, and just remembered that I had forgotten to get my picture taken with him again. So we went back inside, and he took his picture with me. We talked some more, then he hugged me and kissed me again, and we left for good.

It was so hard for me to leave him. It is such a different world with him, it is a world of being everything that you possibly can- not setting limits. Where my normal life is an awful lot of settling.

When I came back, I told all my friends to not let me settle for things anymore. I am not going to settle for UNR, am not settling for anything less than the best I possibly can.

Virginia Faith at 4:33 PM

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Friday, August 11, 2006

She calls me at noon today, thinking that I will still be sleeping. She says to me, "Since you deprived me of my sleep last night, I thought I would just deprive you of your sleep this morning." What she doesn't realize is that, even I can not sleep 12 hours every single day. I have my occasional last start. But for the most part, I am up and moving by 10.30. And even if I were awake, I just ignore the phone when it rings during my sleep. Does she honestly think I will answer? Besides, 11.30 is not an unreasonable time for a teenager to come.

Virginia Faith at 12:46 PM

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I'm not allowed to hang out at college boy's houses. ALL OF MY FRIENDS ARE COLLEGE BOYS!!! (with the exception of a college girl.) I am being punished for hanging out with older kids. Tonight was just the welcome to hell I have been waiting for, and I have no other choice than to embrace it openly. Thank you for that confirmation that my senior year might as well be renamed hell year, after all, I'm no longer allowed to go to my friend's houses. It doesn't matter if we're not romantic. I wish with everything that I am that I had graduated early. If I could go back a year to make that happen, I would.

Virginia Faith at 12:10 AM

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Friday, August 04, 2006

Finally! Success! Who needs little black book boy when I've got someone ten times better. My latest is smarter, not annoying, way more attractive, has facial hair, has dark hair down to his shoulders, we like the same kind of music, we have fun jamming together, and he is totally laid back and care free. We'll see how long this one lasts.

Virginia Faith at 12:33 AM

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Tuesday, August 01, 2006

I had a very strange dream last night. And it is just coming back to me now, 3 hours after I woke up this morning.

Before I go into detail about the dream, let me once again explain that I am perfectly aware that Chris O'Riley is old enough to my my father, and is in fact very close to my father's age. More so, I would rather be him, living his life, than be with him. I think the dream is just a reaction to 2 things, (1) last night's unexpected rejection, and (2) my trip to go see Chris in less then two weeks.

I'm not sure where exactly I was, but the place kind of reminded me of the Hyatt I stayed in when I was in Indianapolis, which would make sense since this was the first place I laid eyes on Chris in person. It was after a recital of his that I went to, and we met for drinks in a little restaurant. We made small talk, when suddenly, he made a move on me. Surprisingly, I was okay with this, and even embraced it.

The next night he had another recital, and afterward I met him backstage at his dressing room for a little you're-my-hero-I-love-you get together. We left the recital together and later went to a high class, pretty wealthy party. He left me for a moment, I can not remember why, and I was sitting at a little table with very little light, just the ambiance of a small candle.

I sat there for awhile, and as I started to scope the room, I saw Chris, dancing with another woman. I tried to get up to confront him, but as I got closer to where I first eyed them, they kept getting further away, until finally, I could no longer see them.

I went off somewhere, pouting and having thoughts a lady should never have toward someone. The next day I was walking down an open hall, and Chris saw me, and I quickly darted into an empty dark room, to try and escape having to talk to him, but it was no use, he caught up to me. He tried to reason with me, but I wouldn't hear of it.

The next evening I was sitting in the restaurant where we had our first drink together. I was sitting with my back to the entrance. I suddenly felt someone touch my back. It was Chris, and then he came around and sat across the table from me. He began to explain how he cared dearly for me, and I meant more to him than this other woman could ever, but she was a more practical choice because she was closer in age. He then begged me to tell him what he should do, but I wouldn't.

His other woman entered the restaurant and he joined her at a table on the other side of the restaurant from me. I got up to leave, determined not to sit there in disgust. It was outside the restaurant that there was another man, waiting for me. We walked down the hall. We kept walking and were soon completely out of sight of the previous location. There was no one around and the man gently kissed me. I looked up and stunned, I saw Chris standing there in the distance starring at us. He had come after me, to tell me he had decided on me. But instead of finding me with open arms, he found me in the arms of another man.

We didn't talk after this for several years.

Finally after a great amount of time, I went to one of his recitals. At the reception I went and sat next to him, and we began talking. Though he had not been expecting me, and neither had known I was coming, he did not seem surprised by my presence. In fact, he showed little to no emotion toward it at all. We began talking as we did before that lustrous night when we enjoyed that first drink together.

Again, though I have fallen in love with Chris' music and piano playing over and over again, and I sincerely wished it were a person thirty years younger serenading me through my stereo, this dream,was and is just that, a dream. It is my thought, that this dream has much more to do with my experience with a certain ladies man (HA!) last night.

Virginia Faith at 1:40 PM

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Monday, July 31, 2006

Rejected again. Strike one million nine thousand five hundered and one. It's a good thing I don't live by baseball rules. If i did, I would have been out a long time ago. Why is it this hard? It wasn't this hard when I fell for the nerd with the long dark hair. It's almost enough to make me miss that. Almost...

Virginia Faith at 6:29 PM

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Monday, July 24, 2006

Maybe at some point I will figure out a name for him, but at this moment of time I am so tired that all I can do is think about how little the muscles in my body want to work, about how I really hope I am not a snorer, and how I am gonna have a bruise on the side of my head from being kneed by someone in an orange (pronounced or-ange, not ar-ange) sleeping bag.

Back to the point, my nameless love, well at this point his isn't quite a love, I just like how it sounds to call people love, which is a result of watching Pirates of the Caribbean too many times, and I just noticed that I ramble a lot when I am tired....

The point--He is either incredibly imperceptible, or he is uninterested. I am hesitant to believe the later for two reasons. The first, the obvious reason, is that I am possessed enough to believe that I am attractive and question any person who passes on me, though given my relationship with rejection you would think I would believe the contrary. The second is granted this person's relationship with rejection, he might like to have a name to put in that little black book of his.

I flirted relentlessly with him all day yesterday. He may have just thought I was being myself, since I do have a reputation to be flirty on a regular basis. But since I was flirting with him more than anyone else in the room, that would be a tip off, yes? Apparently not. I suppose since I never used to flirt with him, but I have lately been very flirty, he has absolutely no reason to sense an attraction. Makes sense to me too. I'm glad we are all on the same page now...

Virginia Faith at 8:08 AM

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Saturday, July 22, 2006

When I am unhappy, I eat. But I will not be happy until I am thin. Talk about the most vicious of vicious circles.

Virginia Faith at 11:00 PM

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Friday, July 21, 2006

hi, virginia-
i'm looking forward to seeing you at sunriver.
i've been practicing hard, so it'll hopefully be worth your trip!
see you soon,
chris

It is unfortunate that Chris O'Riley is too old for me. Maybe he will go for my mother.

Virginia Faith at 4:19 PM

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Thursday, July 20, 2006

Yesterday I was in a car, and I saw another car drive by that from the front looked just like my mystery man's car. When I saw the back of the vehicle, and the driver, it was obvious that it was not him. Not two seconds later, as I was making a slightly disappointed face to myself, my mystery man did drive by. It was the strangest coincidence ever.

Virginia Faith at 12:24 PM

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Monday, July 17, 2006

I came to school this morning irritated because it was Monday morning. But as I walked through the doors of this not so luxurious school, there was mystery man, holding the door for me. I hardly recognized him at first glance, mainly because it was so out of context. But the more I think about it, the more, it really isn't out of context at all. Come to find out, I could have seen my mystery man everyday last week. Always disappointments with this one. Unfortunately, that is how it always has to be. And--now I may have to be forced to choose between time with guitar boy, and time with mystery man. Grumble....

Virginia Faith at 7:53 AM

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Monday, July 10, 2006

I have now done two things I would not do under normal circumstances for this guy. (1) I created a myspace. (2) I ate a hamburger! Yes, I, for the first time in my high school experience, ate a hamburger. I wasn't going to eat the whole thing either, I mean this thing was huge. But no, "You have to eat the whole thing. I've got no plans today. We aren't leaving till you eat it all." Oh yes, I ate the whole thing. All I have to say is, take it or leave it, I still don't care for meat very much.

Virginia Faith at 2:40 PM

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Saturday, July 08, 2006

So much for making an effort to get along with and be nice to my mother. Apparently common sense is above me. Yeh, that's makes me feel very intelligent. Just keep 'em coming.

Virginia Faith at 8:28 PM

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I had a lot of fun tonight, I honestly did. And I will now take the time to apologize for being crabby, jealous, and unnecessarily cold to a person who has always been friendly to me, even when I don't think she really wanted to be. -My sincerest apology.

Virginia Faith at 12:31 AM

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Saturday, July 01, 2006

I saw him again the other day. Only this time, it was even more unsatisfying. He didn't even know I saw him. It was from far away. Why do I keep running into him when I least except it? Talk about cruel and unfair.

You might think you know who my mystery man is, but let me tell you, you are wrong. You have no idea.

Virginia Faith at 3:18 PM

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Wednesday, June 21, 2006

I saw someone today. It was nice to see him (yes, of course it was a he), but it was so unsatisfying that I almost wish I hadn't. This someone is one whose name I will never mention. He was driving away in his car and he waved to me from afar; I waved back...And that was it. It was good to see him. But I wish I had been able to speak to him, and hold a meaningful conversation. Before, sure I thought about him, but It was okay because I didn't expect to see him all summer. But now, now I am unsatisfied and disappointed. I must see him again, which is not entirely unlikely. Next time we meet though, I sincerely hope to be able to talk to my man of mystery.

Virginia Faith at 9:40 PM

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Tuesday, June 13, 2006

A friend once told me that I lack in personality flaws. Through the last couple days I have felt quite the contrary. I am not sure of the cause of this sudden self examination, but it makes me wonder-- is it getting worse or am I just becoming more sensitive? I have always had a low tolerance level, but when did I become intolerant of myself?

For starters, I dislike when I see nothing wrong with an idea, or I have an opinion of my own, but then I am persuading by someone else to think otherwise. Then when I voice my new opinion, it turns out to be wrong, or the person I am arguing with has a better argument, but his argument is supporting what I originally believed. Recently, I initially thought a situation was a really good idea, but was then persuaded differently. I voiced my new opinion, and I think I was too easily persuaded for selfish reasons. I now feel like somewhat of an ass. This brings me to my next flaw.

I have a tendency to be selfish, particularly in friendships. Sometimes I just don't want to share my friends. Which brings me to maybe the largest issue.

Jealousy. I try so hard not to be jealous, but I just don't know how to turn it off. I don't want to be jealous. Maybe if I keep saying that over and over again it will come true.

In general, it is my belief that I am simply over sensitive. I need to lighten up, take a breathe of fresh air, slow things down, take things less seriously. I am too sensitive, especially when it comes to certain people. I focus too much on certain people's opinions, I over analyze what they say to the point of insanity.

Okay-- here comes the hard part: change. Think I can do it? Oh come on, have a little faith.

Virginia Faith at 11:43 PM

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A Reno pawn shop owner has been charged with murder in his estranged wife's killing and is being sought for questioning in the sniper shooting of a judge who was involved with his divorce case, police confirmed Tuesday. Police launched a manhunt for Darren Roy Mack after Family Court Judge Chuck Weller was shot Monday in the chest by a sniper through the window of his third floor office in the Washoe County courthouse complex.
(for more: http://http://www.kolotv.com/home/headlines/3043141.html)

It is hard to believe this actually happened. But I'm sure all of us have thought this once or twice throughout the past couple days. I look forward to many days ahead when the bastard has been captured, and this is all behind us with the Wellers in good health and spirits.

Virginia Faith at 11:32 PM

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Sunday, April 23, 2006

Another strike for Virginia today. Let's just see how many times my heart can be ripped out and stepped on before I go literally insane. This entire school year as been one stab after another after another. It's becoming ridiculous. I know I'm not ugly, so what's the deal? Well I'm not giving up on this one so easily. After all I didn't exactly get rejected. I waited once before and that worked out. I waited a long time for that. I think I will wait again. I don't want to give up. I don't want to.

Virginia Faith at 10:16 PM

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319 home equity loans

By 319 home equity loans, at 2:19 AM

Monday, April 03, 2006

pain n.
1. An unpleasant sensation occurring in varying degrees of severity as a consequence of injury, disease, or emotional disorder.
2. Suffering or distress.

There is nothing else to say.

Virginia Faith at 9:37 AM

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Monday, March 27, 2006

I have returned from Indianapolis, and I have returned with more than a suitcase full of dirty laundry...much, much more. To try and describe this emotion, this kind of high, I'm quite certain is impossible. However, I will tell you about the incredible, life changing experience I had.

I want to start with the best part, but the best comes toward the end and I feel I should start at the beginning. Suspense anyone?

My first plane ride, Wednesday, was quite inconsequential, much as I had expected. This day was full just a bunch of waiting around and getting used to the new atmosphere.

Thursday morning we had chair auditions. I was nervous, but I had a very good audition. I played all of the notes well and thought I had done spectacular. Much to my surprise I received last chair in the first violin section. But as I was sitting in a rehearsal I realized, that I was sitting last chair because I was bad, I was sitting there because everyone else was just that good. For the first time in my life the audition was not about who messed up the least.

Our first rehearsal with Ben Zander was later that night. It was incredible. Ben Zander is truly an amazing man. He genuinely cares about every single person in the orchestra. He came up and talked to me after the rehearsal and I told about how I auditioned for the orchestra specifically to meet Christopher O'Riley, my hero, my idol, an absolute musical genius. Maestro Zander was very impressed by this.

Skipping ahead to the best part....Our last rehearsal on Friday night: I knew Christopher O'Riley would be coming in during the middle of the rehearsal. I rarely took my eyes off the door. I wanted to be the first person to be aware of his arrival. And then he did. My face must have gone absolutely pale, because I felt that my heart might stop cold. I looked back at another girl in my section and she just smiled at me, she knew just how much this meant to me. He sat down and started playing with us and I watched his face as he played. My goodness! It was like you knew exactly what he was feeling by watching his face. It was incredible.

Then at the break I got up to go introduce myself. I think I was actually so nervous that I never technically introduced myself; I just started telling him how wonderful he was and what an honor to play with him it was. Then Ben Zander walks by and stops to say, "This is the one! This is the one I told you about! She came here for you!" He had already told him about me! How incredible! Mr. O'Riley and I continued to talk and he told me about his upcoming albums and practicing earlier that day. He talked to me as if we were not meeting for the first time and as if he weren't this famous musician and I weren't just some young fan. It was truly incredible. Then I got my picture taken with him.

Later after the rehearsal he played some of his pieces for us. It was incredible. I had been listening to those very songs on my ipod earlier that day, and now I am hearing him, the actually person, play these songs in person. How incredible! His fingers are like lightening. Even in the slower songs there is still a really fast background part. He is so amazing.

Then afterward, I was afraid I would have nothing for him to sign, so I found a random blank paper for him to sign. He asked my name to sign it, and I gave it to him. Then he says, "Oh, that is my sister's name." That was pretty cool. The he introduced me to his lovely fiancee, Michelle. She was also incredible nice to me. I went back to the hotel room that night and cried because I was so excited.

Saturday night was the concert. We went on stage and performed late that night, and after he played and got a standing ovation, it was all I could do not to cry right there on stage. I couldn't hold it back though. I hope no one saw that.

Then afterward my dad graciously loaned my money to go and get his new album, that isn't even in stores yet. He signed it, and he didn't even have to ask my name to sign it, he already knew it. I got a picture of him signing it. And then I shaked his hand once more and told him how much of a pleasure it was to play with him. Then I went and cried again.

Later I went back to the table where he was signing and talked with him for awhile. We walked down to the reception together, talking about my future as a musician. He gave me so many encouraging words. It was truly amazing. And his fiance, she was just so nice to me. Then later after talking to me for awhile, he hugs me. He hugged me! Wow! Then, Michelle hugs me! It was absolutely great. Later I got another picture of him with Ben Zander. It was such a great night. He was preparing to leave, and he was sure to say goodbye to me before he left. He was great and so considerate. It was such a dream come true.

I already looked at his schedule of concerts and am going to amke a trip out to Oregon in August to see him play again. I am so excited.

I thought I had my life figured out before. I was going to go to college here or possibly in San Francisco, but pro'bly here. Now, now I don't know. Now I really want to go to the New England Music Conservatory. I want to see the country and travel more. I don't know that I want to teach at a university. I have way more options than I thought. My mind set is completely different. I feel like a completely different person. This was just such an incredibly life changing experience.

If you are not familiar with Christopher O'Riley, I strongly encourage you to visit his website at www.christopheroriley.com .

Virginia Faith at 11:59 AM

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Wednesday, March 15, 2006

I am going to take this brief moment to act like a total girl. I just got the prom pictures that we took at the actual dance itself. Not only do I look totally hot, but he looks totally hot, AND we look totally hot together. I'm very happy he was the one to accompany me. It would never have been the same with anyone else.

Virginia Faith at 11:56 AM

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Tuesday, March 14, 2006

By the way, I would like the thank my dear friend, the tall and hansome tuba player, for a wonder and incredibly fun night.

Virginia Faith at 12:36 PM

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boredom:
n : the feeling of being bored by something tedious [syn: ennui, tedium]

This is how I feel, except forget by something tedious. You can replace those words with everything. I am so easily irritated by things and people right now, more than usual. I just had possibly the best night of my life as of yet. I should be happy. But instead I am being forced the face the fact that is I may never get any closer to the one person I have met that I have clicked with on every level. For once in my life I can go past the normal superficial conversation and talk about something that matters. But it doesn't mater. Why doesn't it matter?...because I'm stuck in high school. I could be upstairs making pointless conversation with my friends right now, but what would it matter. Nothing would change by it. My presence would have no bearing. My absense also has no bearing. It is for this reason that I sit here, at computer number twenty, typing away my lunch hour, dwelling on the lack of deepth in this semester of my high school experience.

Virginia Faith at 12:21 PM

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Saturday, February 25, 2006

He said YES!

I'm going to have the hottest date there.

Virginia Faith at 4:27 PM

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Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Geesh. What a day. Everyone knew it was coming, it was just a matter of when. And of course, no one like to get their heart broken. I am glad we finally talked, but at least before, how ever improbable, I had no facts to spoil my daydreaming. All of that thinking I have been doing all this time -- for nothing. Not to be cliche or anything, but how can something that feels so right, be so wrong? Well, no more can be done. Just remember that if you ever change your mind, I'm still here. That's that

I have no doubt there will soon be another infatuation. More to come...

Virginia Faith at 9:22 PM

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Tuesday, January 03, 2006

I was wandering around my house in boredom, when I saw my purple binder of piano music that I played in middle school. I opened it up and I started to play Solfeggietto. As I was playing, all of these memories started coming into my head. The first one was when I had first moved in with my Father in seventh grade and we were at Maytan's looking to purchase a piano. I was playing the minor part of Fur Elise on the pianos to try them out. I remember the man who was helping us out was impressed. But I also remember thinking he must have been an idiot and definitely not a pianist because if he were he would have know that I was playing a very simple passage of a very famous piece that every wanna-be pianist plays.

Then I got to the development into the first big chord part, and I started to remember how when I told my step sister I was thinking about moving back in with my mom, all she could say was how selfish I was, because my Father had bought me this nice piano when I moved in. And the more I thought about this as I was playing, the angrier I got, and the piece just accompanied my emotions so appropriately. It was like I was playing the sound track to my thoughts.

Virginia Faith at 3:28 PM

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Monday, December 19, 2005

Fortune cookie: The only way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.

Unfortunately I do realize this and that is my biggest problem. I am too afraid of losing his friendship. I am tired of being tactful. Can't we just always be completely honest with people about feelings without having to worry about rejection? It's not even the rejection so much as the potential humiliation. I definitely disagree with this fortune. Realizing that love might be lost stands in the way of love. Lost and love are enemies. It's like lost is Satan and love is God. Lost will do anything to get in the way of love's work, and it is the people working for the purpose of love that get the consequences.

Virginia Faith at 10:12 PM

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Monday, December 12, 2005

I cannot begin to describe to you the amount of stress this production has caused me. I have had endless arguments with people I usually have no problem tolerating. I have experienced frequent frustration from rehearsals being canceled with out any notice. I have been angered to the point of screaming because of sound problems. I have gone days this past week where all I had time to eat was a couple of crackers, and that would be I would get to eat all day. Needless to say I have lost quite a bit of weight this week.

Regardless of the endless pain this production has caused me, nothing beats standing backstage behind a curtain with 30 seconds before I go on stage, my heart beating, my stomach flipping, and in my mind I begin to worry about every possible thing that could go wrong. But then I strut on stage like it is mine to own, and I look out into the audience with the lights flaring down on me, and all I have the capacity to think about is the way I am relating with the audience.

This single feeling is what makes all the time, all the stress, all the frustration worth it in the end.

Virginia Faith at 10:16 PM

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Sunday, December 04, 2005

I am trying to put this picture as my opening picture now. This was once the skin on Tim's blog and I just happened to have it saved on my computer. But for me to put this picture into my html it has to be located in the web. Well now it is. We shall see if this works.

Virginia Faith at 6:35 PM

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Saturday, December 03, 2005

"I like playing what you write," says a girl with long, wavy hair after rehearsal as Haskell breezes past her on the way to the copy machine.

Without stopping, he returns the salute: "I like writing for you."

Haskell says she plays tuba and electric violin and is one of the top 50 high school musicians in the country. "There isn't any music for concert electric violin," Haskell says. "So I had to create it."
- From this week's copy of the Reno News&Review

Yes that is correct, this article is talking about me. Though it doesn't actually say my name anywhere in the article, and it calls me "the girl with wavy hair" rather than "the girl with curly hair", I was still very flattered he called me "one of the top 50 musicians in the country". The other flaw of the article is that it never once mentions the time or place of the performance for Edge!, even though Edge! Is the topic of the article. So I feel it is my responsibility to do so.
Thursday Dec 8 7pm @ the Reno High School Little Theater
Friday Dec 9 7pm @ the Reno High School Little Theater
Saturday Dec 10 2pm @ the Reno High School Little Theater
Monday Dec 12 7pm @ the Reno High School Little Theater
The cover is $3 at the door, but it will be well worth it. The show is going to be awesome. Please come and support the girl with the long wavy hair.

Virginia Faith at 11:14 PM

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Monday:
Apparently people need a little lesson in common courtesy, because it has recently become apparent that certain people have none. I go out to my car after school, and it had been raining during the day so my window was wet. When I get in my car I go to turn on my window wipers, but a lot of good that did. Somebody had stolen my window wipers. Now I'm not really sure if this happened over the four day weekend or there at school, so I couldn't go and report it to the school police. So I am flustered and I get out of my car to wipe off my window. I go to get back in my car, and the door is locked. Unfortunately it does not end here. Not only am I locked out of my car, but my car is still running. It's a good thing I had enough gas in my tank. My mother had to come down from work and unlock my car. Now, none of this would have happened had someone been a little more mature and courteous, and not STOLEN MY WINDOW WIPERS!

Tuesday:
I love it when past crushes just pop up into my life again. It was such a pleasant surprise to see my very attractive clarinet friend again. I had forgotten that he had the ability to make anyone feel like they were the most important person in the world by merely hugging them. Past tense of draw, opposite of east, feel free so pop up in my life whenever you want to.

Wednesday:
Honor Band auditions...If any other tuba player from my school had beaten me in HB auditions, oh boy would there have been hell to pay. But that didn't happen, luckily for them. I left the audition room feeling like I nailed the audition and I was going to get a great chair this year. Did that happen though? No. For the third year in a row I am last chair, that is sixth chair. Yes you read it --6, 6, 6. Aside from this being the mark of beast, it just sucks. Oh well, at least I am in. Plus it gave me a chance to hang out with some very attractive boys( a couple of tuba players, a bassoonist, a couple of oboe players). Nope, It wasn't all bad.

Thursday:
We seriously practiced the Messiah till 9:50. Okay, when it is that late, practicing is absolutely pointless. I was so brain dead after that. Aside from my fatigue, my clarinet friend wasn't there, and I was so looking forward to seeing him. If he had been there, it would have made the extensive rehearsal worth it.

Friday:
First of all...YES! Oh how I love Friday. I am very sad that my tall friend is chopping off his hair today. He is pro'bly right in saying, if it were up to me, no one would ever get a hair cut. I'm sure his hair will still be good. I don't think there is much you can do to make him less attractive, but still, longer hair = better.

Yes, I think that about sums up the week.

Virginia Faith at 5:26 PM

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Sunday, November 20, 2005

difficult- hard to deal with, manage, or overcome

I am trying very hard to be okay with this. I want him to be happy, but at the same time I want something to go wrong. At least now I am to the point where I can talk to him about how I am feeling. That helps me. And thank God for my tall friend. He always finds a way to get me in good spirits in one window on my computer screen, when on another window my heart is breaking. All I have to do is switch screens and he makes it okay.

Virginia Faith at 10:06 PM

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Tuesday, November 15, 2005

First and foremost, today is a very special day. So...Happy Birthday to Vaughn. Hope you enjoy the concert tonight.

Secondly, I am in the process of finding a new opening picture. I loved my last one but unfortunately I can never have it back, at least I am fairly certain I can't. I did find another picture, the picture you see today, that I like a lot, however I am not sure I love it, as I did it's predecessor. Those of you who saw my last picture and/or see this one now, you know my taste. I am open to suggestions. My last picture was found by a friend. You know what they say, your friends know you better than you know yourself.

Virginia Faith at 5:14 PM

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Sunday, November 13, 2005

It should be a sin for internationally famous musicians to wear bright eggplant purple shirts. They should also be required to wear at least a three quarter sleeve when performing solos, so the audience does not have to watch their arm fat giggle. Today I had the pleasure of watching violinist Nadja Salerno-Sonnerburg perform a Shostakovich violin concerto. She is a wonderful violinist. However, she lacks stage presence to say the least, the very least. Don't get me wrong, her musical performance was nothing less than extraordinary,not to mention Shostakovich is a genius and his violin concerto is beastly difficult. Never the less, her performance would have been much more enjoyable had I been blind. Her movement was far from graceful. You could hear her stomping her feet on the stage, and there really ought to be some kind of rule putting specific guidelines on how violent head jerking is allowed to be. Her bouncing, her jerking, and her stomping were, for lack of a more fitting word, awkward to say the very least.

It is amazing how different the Pioneer theater stage looks when you are sitting in the audience rather than sitting on stage. I am so used to being the entertainer; It was nice to be the entertained for a change. For the second half of the concert I went and sat in the front row. I was so close I could actually hear Barry Jakowski spitting on every big cue he gave. I pity the alpha circle.

Despite my bickering, it truly was an enjoyable concert. There is nothing more therapeutic than watching watching a sea of bows while listening to Beethoven's Fifth.

Virginia Faith at 7:31 PM

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Friday, October 28, 2005

I have a very exciting update. This evening I received an email saying that I was excepted to the Honor Orchestra of America. I am so excited. Except it happens the week before ALLSTATE so I am going to be so busy. But it is definitely worth it.

Virginia Faith at 9:07 PM

1 Comments:

Nice blog. Your posts were interesting reading. I
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By Anonymous, at 9:19 PM

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Wow. Tonight made every hard hour of practicing totally worth it. I was so nervous when I went up there; I generally hate playing solos. But I was up there in the moment. My intonation was nearly perfect and my improvisation was flawless. It was truly exhilarating.

After the performance I got praise from nearly everyone. Actually there was only one person that I came across that didn't say a word. And frankly I never expect anything encouraging to come out of his mouth. Anyway, people were asking me if I had a recording of the piece they could buy. People I didn't know were introducing themselves to me.

Better than anything though, was the compliment I got from a person I very much look up to. He was all interested in my electric violin. But the best part was when he said, "I was skeptical about the piece at first but once I heard it....Virginia you are such a good violin player." To get a compliment like that from someone you admire so much is absolutely incredible. It was the best feeling in the world.

If I could go back and do it again I would in a heartbeat. There were photographers from our school paper right in front of me, clicking their camera like crazy. I can not wait for the real Edge performance.

Virginia Faith at 9:36 PM

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Sunday, September 11, 2005

www.mikethemiz.com

I want you all to know that this man is the sexiest person alive. And until you visit this website you will never learn to realize as I have that there is much more to The Miz than meets the eye when you see him on TV. Not only is he attractive in his physical attributes, but his personality would be attractive to any woman.

The Miz is bringing out that raw, primal side. The side that has no judgments that is just you. It doesn't care what people think or how they'll react. The Miz steps up to that fear and shoves it right up someone's ass. Some people say "Be yourself." I say Be good. Be bad. BE MIZ.
- The Miz

This is such a great concept. Go to his website and learn more. It's good stuff, trust me.

I emailed him tonight, that's right, I did it. Those of you that I have obsessed about him to know that I am crazy. I don't actually expect to get a response, but wouldn't that be something if I did? That would be better than the Power of One scenario. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

www.mikethemiz.com It's good, trust me!

Catch Mike the Miz on Battle of the Network Reality Stars on Bravo, Wed. at 9pm.

Virginia Faith at 9:05 PM

2 Comments:

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I really like your blog and will come back often.

We have a document conversion related site ourselves and would very much like you to browse it and see what we have to say about document conversion.

By Anonymous, at 9:20 PM

Cool blog you have. I have a large bore jazz clarinets
related site. Check it out if you get a chance. The URL is large bore jazz clarinets

By Anonymous, at 6:39 PM

Monday, August 08, 2005

"At least I get to sit next to you, Virginia. That's the only perk."

"I could never be mean to you, Virginia. How long have we known each other?"

"You are definitely going to win. You performed so much better than I did."

Me: "Are you going to dance with her?"
Him: "I'll dance with you."

Sigh. I can't wait to see him again. It's Drew West all over again, except I know him better this time so conversation will be smoother, not to mention this one is way sweeter.

Plus, I have a fabulous picture of him and I together.

I wish I had a chance with him. Sigh.

Virginia Faith at 9:02 PM

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Saturday, July 30, 2005

So I'm off to band camp tomorrow. I am excited and also dreading it. I always have so much fun and I will be spending a week away from my mother which I desperately need; however, I am really going to miss not being able to stay up as late as I want talking to everyone. I will miss everyone, and I expect to hear anything and everything exciting that happens while I'm gone.

Virginia Faith at 10:45 PM

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Sunday, July 17, 2005

I was watching my sappy afternoon television shows-- you know the ones where there is always a couple that is meant to be together and 90% of the time they are-- and the couple has this big messy argument and they end up breaking up. And so I was thinking, this is why my situation is great: no messy breakups. Later another couple is out celebrating a 3 month anniversary and the male in the couple goes through all these romantic gestures to show his lady how much he cares about her. And I was watching this, and I kind of became jealous. No boy has ever done anything remotely romantic for me, not really anyway. I suppose I am still in high school so I should just cool my jets. But really, it's a no-win situation. Have a serious relationship and go through breakups. Don't have a serious relationship and miss out on couple things. I suppose for now my greatest fear has decided this for me.

Virginia Faith at 10:37 PM

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Sunday, July 10, 2005

Main Entry: [1]love
Pronunciation: 'l&v
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Old English lufu; akin to Old High German luba love, Old English lEof dear, Latin lubEre, libEre to please
Date: before 12th century
1 a (1) : strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties (2) : attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers (3) : affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests b : an assurance of love

Main Entry: [2]love
Function: verb
Inflected Form(s): loved; lov-ing
Date: before 12th century
transitive senses
1 : to hold dear : CHERISH
2 a : to feel a lover's passion, devotion, or tenderness for b (1) : CARESS (2) : to fondle amorously (3) : to copulate with
3 : to like or desire actively : take pleasure in
4 : to thrive in: to feel affection or experience desire

I only find about half of these definitions to even be true. But more importantly than that, I find all of them to be inadequate. To be in love is so much more than every one of these definitions combined and then multiplied by one hundred.

Virginia Faith at 12:12 AM

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Tuesday, June 21, 2005

I am incredibly happy...

and a little confused.

Virginia Faith at 4:39 PM

1 Comments:

I can definitely go to Fernley with you for the Fourth of July. It should be fun - and anyway, I'll be thrilled to get out of my house!

By uyov, at 8:21 PM

Friday, June 17, 2005

I was at rehearsal last night and after rehearsal we were hanging out and also brain storming on how to get Nathanial's hacky sack off the storage unit ceiling. A bit later, my Pakistani love interest and I exchanged numbers (YES!) and half way made plans to go get lunch next week. Can I say exciting? I'm so happy.

Virginia Faith at 6:57 PM

1 Comments:

That is so incredibly unfair. You've only known this guy for like a month and he already is asking you to go to lunch?!

At the rate I'm going it would take about five years for the same thing to happen to me. But good luck, anyway! Try to get a picture of him for me so I can see what he looks like. I promise I won't try to steal him away.

By uyov, at 10:04 PM

Saturday, June 11, 2005

I don't even know where to begin. I have so many thoughts and emotions going through my mind. But mainly I can't stop thinking about how I will never see this boy, Josh,-- a boy that I spent 3 years of my life in awe over, a boy who taught me so much about life, a boy who always helped me make the right decisions even if it meant me moving away-- again.

I'm not even sure what I was expecting to get out of seeing my friends again. Closure perhaps? I wish they could have been looking at themselves and the people around them from my perspective. Let me tell you, it was incredible.

First there was Alex. Alex was the Laura of Fernley. She was my best friend, the girl I related to most, but the thing I liked about her most was how accepting she was of other people. She always made time for everyone. When I went up to her after graduation, she gave me a hug but never said a word to me. She hugged me and then left. And this was so strange to me because everyone told me she was so excited to see me. She sure wasn't the Alex I used to know.

Then there was Aaron. He was this attractive compassionate person when I knew him. I even saw him freshmen year at a football game and he was still a great looking/acting guy. Since he has totally turned to the dark side, and by that I mean he has gone straight-edge. He's got facial piercings and that horrible earring where it's like an inch in diameter. He also dyed his hair black, which I don't actually have a problem with. But his girlfriend, which used to be a girl that never cared what anyone thought of her, not to mention she was incredibly fashionable, has the dumb ear piercing as well and didn't say a word to me. Anyway, when Aaron and I started talking it was like trying to talk to a rock. This made me so sad because next to Josh he was the person I looking forward to seeing most. There were so many thing I wanted to talk to him about but I couldn't with his girlfriend right there. So I told him I was going to call him sometime because I wanted to talk, but I'm not sure I really I want to now.

Even though there were a lot of bad surprises, there were some good ones too. My friend Kara, who I sat with during graduation was great to me, she told me about everything that had changed. And Marshall, someone I was surprised to see came and sat with me; it was nice to see him. And Josh's younger brother was very decent to me, more so than he ever was when I lived there. He has matured so much. And I even got to see someone from Reno..a certain very attractive clarinet player...I'll let you wonder which one it was.

One more bad thing...My seventh grade science teacher/eighth grade reading teacher passed away a couple weeks ago from cancer.

Now more about Josh. To give you an idea of our relationship and how much he meant to me, he was the Nick of Fenley. I remember when he was in eighth grade (I was in sixth) and we would walk around the school talking about music stuff. He always cared so much more about others than himself, and that hasn't changed. He has gone through some really tough times in the past year but none of it changed him, not for the bad anyway. I went to graduation for him. And when I went and found him afterward his reaction was priceless. "Oh my god!" he said. Then he gave me a giant hug and he didn't let go of me for a long time. I was so happy because that was exactly the reaction I had hoped for. I couldn't have been happier at that moment. So then I stayed with him for awhile and then I left to go see other people, and when I was about ready to leave I went and found him again because I wasn't about to leave without saying goodbye. So I found him and told him I was leaving and he gives me another giant hug and says it was great to see me. I couldn't control my crying any longer and I completely lost it. I said okay I have to go, I gave him one more small huge and left. But as I was walking to my car I said to myself, "Wait a minute. If I'm never going to see him again why am I so quick to leave?"

So I walk back to where he was and told him that and he said that that was a good point and he put his arm around me and then we went to the office with a group of us and got his certificate. He was making dinner plans with his friends and his dad on the phone when he asked me if I would like to come and I said okay and we went. I spent the night with him and it was fabulous to be with him again but every time I thought about not getting to see him ever again- I forgot to mention he is going into the army in a month- there was a sharp pain in my chest.

After dinner we were leaving the restaurant and I said my final goodbye and he gave me one last hug, probably the last hug I will ever receive from him.

Though I don't have much, I do have some hope of being reunited with him sometime later in life. After all, I was reunited with Jonathan. It's possible: it has happened before. It could happen again when I least expect it.

Virginia Faith at 5:53 PM

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Thursday, June 02, 2005

I am too obsessive. I am always worrying about whether I made the right impression on someone and if I said exactly the right thing. I care too much about what people think of me. I worry so much that I won't let myself forget about something that didn't go perfectly to point that I make myself feel sick and I can't think of anything else. Good grief...

By the way, does anyone know any good quotes?

Virginia Faith at 9:48 PM

1 Comments:

Don't obsess about obsessing. I do it too. I think we all do (girls, at least).

If you want to be distracted, this was amusing: I went to Schinthia's graduation party, and Nick and James and the rest of them all showed up.......and we were playing truth or dare and I had to go kiss James. Of all people. He doesn't know who I am! Well, now he does.

As for quotes - I really like Confucius quotes. http://www.bartleby.com/100 is a good place to look.

By uyov, at 8:38 PM

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

I get so giddy around some people. I know, hard to believe that I could actually become giddy and be unable to talk to someone, but it's true. Actually I only get giddy around one person, but I'm sure it would be something of the same if I were to meet Hayden Christensen or Jude Law or Ryan Seacrest. I just don't know why I can't be my normal cool and collective boy-crazy self around such people instead of a raging fan type. Sigh.... He's so attractive.

Virginia Faith at 10:19 PM

1 Comments:

Virginia! Tim called me earlier this evening and half-inveigled, half peer-pressured me into going on a bike ride with him. We rode past your house but you weren't there, so we rode to Bryan's house and got fed by Conny. Ruth was also there, and she reminded me that Jim is having his solo recital on Sunday.

That was a really long-winded way to ask you if you want to go (if you're in town, that is). It's sometime Sunday in the mid-afternoon. Call me?

By uyov, at 9:24 PM

Saturday, May 21, 2005

Rachl: Oh, I'm sure there are a bunch of guys at Reno High just lining up to make out with you.

If only that were true.

You know what else sucks? When you are attracted to a good friend but you can't tell them because you are afraid of affecting your friendship.

Right now I'm in kind of an everything sucks mood. Basically I'm sulking. I think I deserve to sulk at least a little though.

You know when you want something really bad, and then you get really close to obtaining this something but you can't quite get it, and then it makes you want it all the more? Yeh, that also sucks.

Virginia Faith at 9:17 PM

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Friday, May 06, 2005

AP tests are over for me. YEY! I must say it was actually much easier than expected. I mean the multiple choice, well yes, it was more like multiple guess. But the essays went so much smoother than I was expecting. I think I did very well on the DBQ especially. But I'm so glad that it's over now. Now it's movies in history for the rest of the year. Hooray!!!

Virginia Faith at 7:38 PM

1 Comments:

No more AP!!! Ever ever ever again (that is, until next year). Now we just have to wait until July (oh horror!) to find out scores...

By uyov, at 8:54 PM

Thursday, May 05, 2005

I hate how our society has become so damn concerned with being politically correct all the time, and making sure that they never insult anyone. There's common courtesy, and then there's just plain irritating. Like my tuba instructor. He's always so concerned about insulting me; always assuming that I feel a certain way about something he says, and before he says anything he is always saying that 'he doesn't mean to insult me' or something like that. It gets so irritating. I went to dinner at Applebees and the waitress said something and then she says "Excuse me for saying that, it was not PC." Agh. Thats what I have to say to all the overly sensitive dumbasses around the country who have complained that they were insulted by people saying Merry Christmas because it doesn't include the way they celebrate the holidays. It's no longer Easter Break, it's spring break. Not Christmas break, winter break. Also, to all the insanely feministic women out there, some of us happen to like and approve of old fashion gender roles. All your complaining and bickering may be making you feel better, may be making you feel like you make a difference in the world, but for ladies like me, you aren't doing us any favors.

Virginia Faith at 4:59 PM

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Wednesday, May 04, 2005

It's hard to imagine that a person could miss something so much. I mean really...you forget after a long period of time just how much you used to really enjoy something. It was nice to refresh my memory.

Virginia Faith at 4:47 PM

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Sunday, May 01, 2005

I looked out the window of the busy little coffee shop. It was dark outside but the street was partially lit from the almost burnt out street lights. I watched the band set up for the show very cooperativey. I was sitting next to a girl I didn't know. "Are you friends with one of the band members?" I asked. "Yeah. I'm the guitarist's girlfriend," she replied. "Awesome. I'm friends with the bass player...and the drummer...but mostly the bass player."

More people began to pile in. It was pretty much standing room only. I was sitting only a foot away from the drumset and I prepared myself for a loud show. They began the first song. The drummer was jumping all over the drums like he was the only care of the world. The guitarist would stand there and for a moment he'd get really into it. Then he would look up at the crowd then back off a little, as if he were nervous or embarrassed. I looked at the bass player. I struggled to hear him over the overpowerful drumset. Somehow I could hear him through the way he moved. It were though he were making love to his guitar. Fascinated by his unique style, I stared at him closely, not to miss a single move he made. By the end of the show, he had also given the crowd a run for their money by putting forth an eventful vocal performance. The band played their last song and I watched him one last time. I watched him love that guitar over and over again and left there thinking, what a lucky guitar.

Virginia Faith at 9:57 PM

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The best thing about it was there was no school. Besides that, Disneyland was not the trip of a life time. I spent almost the whole time listening to people argue, listening to ancient history, and thinking about things that I really didn't want to think about. The best part of the whole trip was dinner and a couple of last minute rides with the adults. It was nice to get a break from school though, even if I did miss meditation time with Mr. Ross.

I almost revised my crush list last week. I was getting confused as to where some people in my life stood. These past couple of days though, I have realized that nothing has changed. I thought just because my number 2 crush started being incredibly nice to me, that meant 2 wasn't enough. But frankly, 2 is more than generous with him. It's not that he did something wrong, because he didn't, it's just that the center of my attention can only be on one guy at a time, and my main attention shouldn't be on second best.

Virginia Faith at 9:44 PM

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Monday, April 25, 2005

Now I know this is shocking news to everyone so brace yourselves: There is a new boy to which I am focusing my affection. My new Foreign Attraction is two to three years older than me though age doesn't matter much. He barely believed me when I told him I was only 16. He is a freshmen at UNR and a very handome violinist. He is one of the nicest boys I have ever met. He is sweet and charming and I know he was flirting shamelessly with me last Saturday. I used to not really look forward to Pops rehearsals but now I have something to look forward to. The next rehearsal cannot come soon enough.

Fortune cookie: "The world is always ready to receive talent with open arms."

I sure hope it's right.

Fortune cookie: "Birds are entangled by their feet and men by their tongues."

Hahahahaaaaa...I love double fortunes.

Virginia Faith at 8:56 PM

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Thursday, April 21, 2005

Someone surprised me today. You really never know when someone may rise above their normal expectaions and really give you hope. I just never expected to get the encouragement that I did today. It was a very positive day for me. I hope days like these keep coming because I am going to need them if I am going to make this happen.

Virginia Faith at 6:00 PM

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Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Throughout the last few days I have been taking a survey among the boys in my chemistry class and those who happen to stumble into the class room. The statistic I came up with is quite interesting I think, yet not really too surprising. Eight out of nine high school boys have engaged in a certain natural activity in the past week. Some of the individual results I received from individual people were surprising but the over all result was not. The purpose of the survey was to prove a point and I think I proved it quite adequately.

Virginia Faith at 4:15 PM

1 Comments:

Your survey has aided my attempt to come to terms with reality. I have, unfortunately, a long way to go.

By uyov, at 3:17 PM

Friday, April 15, 2005

I can remember that in elementary school I was always constantly ostracize. I never felt like I really belonged there. However, there was one boy who was always very nice to me. I can't think of a single time when he upset me. I always thought of him as my best friend, but on top of that he was the first boy I ever had a crush on.

After third grade I left that school because of financial issues and began attending Public school. I can't say that I missed my first school a whole lot, but I sure did miss him. I've thought about him periodically since then, but never really had any faith that I'd see him again.

A couple days after Spring break during a testing period, I was signing in on the attendance sheet and noticed it had his name down. Of course I was thinking, it's probably just someone else with the same name. I only knew about half the kids in the room. So I was looking at the kids in front of me (we were sitting in alphabetical order and his name comes a little before mine) trying to see if any of them looked like him. Now keep in mind that I hadn't seen him for 7 years and people do change over time. I'm looking and I do see one that kind of looks like him. And I'm staring at this kid trying to figure out if it's him or not and the more I look at him the more I think it's him. The next day comes and I still hadn't gotten the courage to go and talk to him. I sat there after I finished my test thinking I owe it to myself to find out if it's really him.

Me: Is you name...
Him: Hi Virginia. How's it going?

I swear it's like something out of a movie. Childhood friends reunited! I thinks it's the coolest thing ever. What are the odds that out of every high school in Reno, we end up at the same one, especially since when I knew him I didn't even live in Reno. Every time I see him I go and talk to him. I guess I've kind of been trying to figure out if he's the same boy I knew 7 years ago. Now he's wearing wranglers but I still see him as the boy in the red Lion King sweatshirt.

Virginia Faith at 3:23 PM

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Wednesday, April 13, 2005

I think it's cute how I have names for all of my male love interests. I do this for two reasons: (1) I don't always want that person knowing I'm talking about them and sometimes I don't want anyone to know who I'm talking about for that matter, and (2) I like to keep a certain amount of ambiguity within my thoughts. For example there's Prince Charming, and Other Boy, and I will be adding Previous Love Interest, and who could leave out The Cutest French Horn Player I've Ever Seen(that one isn't so vague..too bad).

Of course that entire intro was just to set myself up for talking about - what else?- boys.

Prince Charming has some definite character flaws that would be very difficult to handle. I will refrain from mentioning them. But also, I was talking to him today, shocking, and he mentioned that he doesn't date. Well, I'm not really sure I would want to date him anyway. However, I was slightly disappointed. Now I feel like him as a possibility has been thrown out the window. Is this goodbye for Prince Charming? Stayed tuned.....

I have recently lost much of my tolerance for Previous Love Interest, and this had caused me to drift away from him a bit. I am very saddened by this because many of my high school memories are shared with him. Of course we are still friends but I just feel like through the last couple weeks we lost something.

Then there's the Other Boy. I fall for him again and again every single day. I wish more than anything that somehow every time he tells me that he's not attracted to me that he were lying. That would make me extremely happy. But back to life. That's not how it works. Que pena.

Now if Mr. French Horn could have just fallen in love with me at Allstate then my boy problems would be temporarily cured. I'd get to date The Cutest French Player I've Ever Seen and I wouldn't have to worry about the above three at all. Too bad that didn't happen. Demasiado malo. I may never even see him again. How sad is that.....?

Virginia Faith at 4:48 PM

1 Comments:

Yeah, I noticed that too. What's the deal?

By Anonymous, at 10:21 PM

Monday, April 11, 2005

I was exploring the Bands Of America website just now and I found the calendar showing who the conductor and soloist for next year's Honor Orchestra of America is going to be, just to discover that Christopher O'Riley is the soloist for next year. Recently I have developed what you might call an obsession for Christopher O'Riley. This just makes the post from earlier today all the more incredibly true. It is my goal for the next several months to prepare something perfect for this audition because it would mean the world to me to make it. I mean I might as well audition. What's the worst that can happen, I don't make it. Well I think I owe it to myself to try, and that's exactly what I intend to do.

Virginia Faith at 9:48 PM

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I know I've said this before but this time I am so serious, I am going to start practicing all of my music more thoroughly. Tonight when I found two midgets sitting in the front stand of the youth symphony I had a break through. Everything people have been saying to me through the last year finally sunk in. I want to go to a conservatory, I want to study music, it's hard work, and If I really want to achieve my goals I need to work harder. Well a couple of annoying midgets sitting in a chair that could be mine if I worked hard enough is unacceptable. So this is where it starts. I turn over a new leave now.

Virginia Faith at 8:54 PM

0 Comments:

Sunday, April 10, 2005

I know that this sounds strange, but I wish that I were still in Elko. Last week was the most fun I've had in a very long time. Staying up late with my best friends, playing great orchestral literature, spending every waking moment with the coolest kids I know, and I could never forget, meeting Fred Stone, the cutest French horn player I've ever laid eyes on. I wish more than anything at this moment that I could relive those 4 days again. Too bad it's back to reality tomorrow.

Virginia Faith at 11:04 PM

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Friday, April 01, 2005

I just got back from my dad's house in Fernley. I walked into my room when I was there and of course there was an Easter basket waiting for me. Every year there is always something incredibly strange that Cathy has found on sale at Cosco or something in my basket. It's these things I think I look forward to the most, even if I do end up throwing them away or giving them away, one or the other. This year it was the knockoff brand robin eggs and the questionably flavored FruitFlashed brand fruit chews. Now if you have ever had a true Robin egg, you know that the correct brand for these is Whoppers and inside the colored shell there is your typical malt ball. I'm not sure if these want-to-be Robin eggs even consist of chocolate. I don't think this is chocolate, well, I hope it's not. And instead of the typical tannish color malt inside, the malt part takes on what ever color the outer shell is. Aside from all this they just taste bazaar. On to the fruit chews. I think they are supposed to be like Now-and-Laters. I'm not quite sure how old these are because they are rock hard, first of all. Second, I am reading orange flavored on the front but I'm actually tasting a variety of mystery fruit. Yup, she never fails to discover the oddest Easter candy ever. Of course I do have some of the typical chocolate marshmallow bunnies and of course the Russell Stover Peanut Butter Giant bunny. Do they really think I can eat this all?

Virginia Faith at 11:41 AM

1 Comments:

I have absolute faith that through some Herculean burst of strength you will somehow, albeit at the risk of great personal sacrifice, manage to eat all of your Easter candy. Something about that way that you can describe the inner molecular structure of the one and only "true" Robin's Egg leads me to trust you implicitly when it comes to Easter candy consumption.

And if you don't eat it, I'm sure you can give it to Mom...

By Anonymous, at 5:25 PM

Sunday, March 27, 2005

I am sitting here sipping my tea and listening to the Dandy Warhols adoring the thought that I can stay up tonight listening to Joe Frank's most attractive voice and not worry about whether I will be capable of waking up for school on time the next morning. I glance over to the framed pictures I have sitting on my desk. Only people who have captured my utmost compassion earn a spot here. If you were to be so lucky as to lay eyes upon these pictures you will notice that besides my cat, only two people belong there. These pictures of people starring back at me are my most precious moments. How fabulous to be reminded of such wonderful times everyday!

I figured out today why I am so drawn to the Dandy Warhols. First I begin by expressing that I hate that name. How can such a horrible name describe such a fabulous band? I do not only adore this band because I discovered them through young prince charming. I find that when I listen to them I forget everything in my head that could maybe upset me. I hear this band and I feel like I am in a dream world. If I were into intoxicating my body with foreign substances, this is totally a band I could see myself smoking pot to. But since I am not, I enjoy the natural inside feeling I receive from listening to them.

Virginia Faith at 10:12 PM

1 Comments:

The only band to which I can imagine myself smoking pot is N*Sync, because I need controlled substances to help deaden their horribleness. Or perhaps also some high school bands... Not Reno High's, of couse!

:-)

By uyov, at 1:54 PM

Friday, March 25, 2005

I can't think of a better way to have spent the last day before spring break. I was kinda bummed to think about not getting to see prince charming for over a week. I mean, a weekend is one thing, but a whole week? This is torture. Back to today - I had so much fun with him today. He is unbelievably easy to talk to. There wasn't a single awkward moment. Sigh...

Virginia Faith at 4:59 PM

0 Comments:

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

I had fun tonight, again.

Virginia Faith at 9:44 PM

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Tuesday, March 22, 2005

So for I while I had decided to give up on prince charming for several reasons.
-1. He is not the only boy of attraction.
-2. I've heard he is a little shallow, problematic.

But after talking to him after school today and I am beginning to doubt number 2. I had decided he wasn't my type. However I have very recently revised that thought. Number 1 is still an issue, especially since I am writing this post while listening to a song that completely reminds me of a certain other charmer, however other charmer is not an option, which is sad.

Prince charming gave me a CD today. It's a band I've never heard of but I listened to it and I really like it. He has good taste in music. Dare I say I am making progress?

Virginia Faith at 5:16 PM

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Friday, March 18, 2005

R doesn't really mean reverse does it?
The impact of my fender to the person behind me's bumper kinda tells me it does! Yesterday, I got in my car and I was ready to drive off but I was in reverse when I really wanted to be in drive and I backed right into the woman behind me. The woman and her daughter were there in their car. I was freaking out. Luckily there was no damage to either of our cars. I haven't yet mentioned that prince charming was right there! Ekkk! I hope he isn't totally scared of me now. He says he isn't but.....i just hope he's not.

Virginia Faith at 4:03 PM

2 Comments:

Hahaha...Ohman. How long have you had your license? A month? You are absolutely never allowed to make fun of my driving ever again.

By Anonymous, at 5:31 PM

Excuse me, at the time I had had my licience for a month and a half. Besides, if this is who I think it is, mom still says I'm a better driver than you.

By Virginia Faith, at 5:31 PM

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Well, after the recent unavailability of senior prince charming arose - a pint of ice cream, 2 jamba juices, and lots of chicken chow mien later - I have moved on to a new, younger prince charming. Now, I don't usually go for the younger ones. But saying as I was certain he was the same age as me for the longest time, and he is taller than me, I think it's still acceptable.

Today I was told that when I say I am going after a guy or that I am going to talk to him, I really just stand there next to the person waiting for him to talk to me. Also, making progress means he actually talked to me for once. So as I have a new love interest, I am going to attempt to actually make real progress by attempting to engage in conversation myself. However, any asistance is greatly appreciated(Mocca Feren).

Time to treat myself to a delectable jamba juice. Yes!

Virginia Faith at 3:14 PM

0 Comments:

This is an awesome picture. A little something I like to call tuba power.

Click here for tuba power...

Virginia Faith at 3:11 PM

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Monday, March 14, 2005

Well, I finally broke down and did something about my hair. I was looking at the wonderful picture I had taken at AKA Smiles a year and a half ago and I think it is a very attractive picture. I want to look like that again. So I did the unexpected. I cut 9 inches of my hair...ekk!...and am now in the process of dying it golden blonde. Some will be happy I'm getting rid of a lot of hair, others won't. I guess if you can't please them all, please yourself. I feel like I was just on ambush make over, except I ambushed myself.

Virginia Faith at 9:27 PM

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Thursday, March 10, 2005

A special congratulations goes out to two very talented musicians whom I feel very privileged be with friends with right now. Tim, for earning the principle cellist position, and Chris, for earning the position of concertmaster in the national honor orchestra, taking place in Indianapolis this week. You guys rock!

Virginia Faith at 9:42 PM

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Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Disappointment

Disappointment you shouldn't have done
you couldn't have done you wouldn't have done
the things you did then
And we could've been happy what a pitons thing,
a hideous thing was tainted by the rest
But it won't get any harder and I hope you'll find your way again
And it won't get any higher, and it all boils down to what you did then
In the night we fight. I fled you're light it was exactly then.
I decided and drew you art
In the night we fight. I fled you're light it was exactly there. I decided
But it won't be any harder and I hope you'll find your way again
And it won't get any higher but it all boils down to what you did then
Disappointment

-The Cranberries

The point is, I'm disappointed. I would have gone to lunch with him any day. Now, I will listen to the above song over and over again until I have to go to Annelise's house for quartet rehearsal. Then I will be over it....i think.

Virginia Faith at 4:48 PM

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Tuesday, March 08, 2005

I've decided that my comfort food is chicken chow mien. Everyone should have a comfort food, whether it be macaroni and cheese, or chicken cow mien. It's comforting to a have a comfort food (haha).

Well, progress is slow these days, and slow is the best-case scenario. Hopes of going to prom have slimmed considerably. Graduation day is coming closer thus the clock is ticking faster for me to win Prince Charming's affection. So I wait.

5 minutes later.....

Well, waiting sucks. I dont know how I managed to wait for a year before.

Virginia Faith at 4:52 PM

1 Comments:

My comfort food is sushi and chocolate pots.

By Evolvingthinker, at 5:25 PM

Sunday, February 27, 2005

I'm not really sure what to say here. It appears there is always an upside. The second best just became a possible future option. The plot thickens....

Virginia Faith at 9:55 PM

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Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Alex: What I want to know is why was a cheerleader taking her clothes off in the band room?
Haskell: When do you graduate?
Alex: Next year.
Haskell: I tell you then.

Alex was wearing some cheerleader's jacket today that he found in the band room. It was quite stylish (er...), and tight...

Virginia Faith at 5:50 PM

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Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Well, I ought to know that nothing in adolescence stays the same for too long so I'm writing a follow-up post to #1 on my list in the previous post. I don't really want to wish him away. He really is a friend I care a lot about. If I didn't care, I wouldn't get so upset at his criticism. So just making it clear that for the time being, I'm okay with his existence.

A thanks to everyone who came to my little birthday pow-wow. It was uber fun. I turned out to be a great thing that it was just us ladies. If the boys had been there, we wouldn't have been able to gossip about them!

Virginia Faith at 8:46 PM

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My birthday wishes:

1. I wish I could have the power to wish away people that piss me off, one person in particular. I wish him away several times a day, more today than usual, and it never works. It's kinda hard to remove a person from your life when you are forced to work with him in the chem lab.

2. I wish my life were as it was 4 months ago. I have to say that was the happiest i've been in a long time.
or
Boys I like (that should actually be singular because I'm only talking about one boy) wouldn't have girlfriends and they would talk to me more, a lot more.

3. Finally, I wish my teachers hadn't given me so much homework on my Birthday!!!

Virginia Faith at 4:44 PM

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Friday, February 18, 2005

Tailgating is fun...However I had to go wash my car today because there was a certain someone's saliva on it...not cool.

I'm almost becoming accustom to people getting my name wrong. Virginia, Veronica, Victoria, Elizabeth, there'll all the same to me. It's a huge improvement from some of the names I was given in Fernley. Not going there, well I am going there today, there being Fernley, but I'm not going into detail. Yes, I'm going to Fernley, in fact I'll be on my way there within the next hour. Maybe I should pack....

Virginia Faith at 3:39 PM

1 Comments:

And happy birthday to you, as well!

Looking forward to seeing you in three(ish) hours!!!

By uyov, at 3:46 PM

Thursday, February 10, 2005

Fortune Cookie: "An admirer is concealing his affection for you."

I love how the fortune cookie knows i'm a female. My mother got me a bag of fortune cookies after she stole my cookie when we went to dinner at The Flame. That was definitely the best fortune in the bag so far. Well admirer, speak up. No need to be shy....really....there's no need.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO LAURA!!!!! I can't believe i'm younger.

Virginia Faith at 9:10 PM

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Thursday, January 20, 2005

Main Entry: frustration
Pronunciation: (")fr&s-'trA-sh&n
Function: noun
Date: 1555
1 : the act of frustrating
2 a : the state or an instance of being frustrated b : a deep chronic sense or state of insecurity and dissatisfaction arising from unresolved problems or unfulfilled needs
3 : something that frustrates

I am so incredibly frustrated right now. I honestly think he is the worst thing that has ever happened to Reno High. I didn't like him much before, but now there isn't a single part of me that has any respect for him. This is not the first time he has let me down. I can identify his major flaw in just a few simple words: he is unreliable. I know, now I'm the one jumping to conclusions, but what other conclusion is there? That he's the innocent party? Previous experiences tell me that this is false. He is the one at fault here, and if he weren't my elder and a man I am obligated to show respect for, even if I have none for him, I would surely share with him my frustrations.

Virginia Faith at 6:38 PM

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Friday, January 14, 2005

Today was an overall interesting day. There were some very disappointing moments; there were some wild goose chases; and there were some surprisingly wonderful moments. People say some really awful things when they are stressed out -- really awful, hurtful, offensive things. I was made really upset today by a horrible remark made to me about a person who has taught me so much about music in the little time I was able to work with him. I lost a tremendous amount of respect towards the person who made the comment. I still remain very disturbed by the remark. Later my violin was mixed up with another peer's violin. I had to track him down and go to his house to retrieve my violin. At least that was an easy fix. But I am relatively calm now because of one change that made my day remarkably less horrible. A good friend of mine (I highly doubt that is a mutual feeling) was unusually friendly to me today. He actually wanted to socialize with me. He actually offered his assistance. I don't think he pissed me off once all day, and that is really saying something. Our friendship was like that about a year ago. We could actually tolerate each other for longer than an hour. We didn't get into large arguments about dumb issues. I actually felt some-what important. This is how it was for me today. All of these things were in appliance to today. It was great to have that sense of friendship. I hope there are more days like today in that sense.

Virginia Faith at 11:11 PM

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Saturday, January 01, 2005

Main Entry: con~fu~sion
Pronunciation: k&n-'fyu-zh&n
Function: noun
Date: 14th century
1 : an act or instance of confusing
2 a : the quality or state of being confused b : a confused mass or mixture
- con·fu·sion·al /-'fyuzh-n&l, -'fyu-zh&amp;-n&l/ adjective

Know the feeling?

Virginia Faith at 10:20 PM

2 Comments:

Hell yes. I never know what's going on anymore, not even in my own life!

By uyov, at 7:29 PM

Lovely seeing you tonight.

Laura

By Anonymous, at 7:43 PM

Happy New Year!!! Yey for '05!

Virginia Faith at 1:31 AM

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Saturday, December 25, 2004

Merry Christmas Everyone!!!

Man...Christmas. Christmas at my mother's house, which was actually Christmas eve, was fun and normal and, well....not chaos. However, Christmas at my Father's house was the definition of chaos. People I didn't even know were there. Almost every one of my step siblings has a spouse or fiance, and a couple have children, and one of the spouse's family came (I can't even remember which one). Someone I had never met was asking me how to play the violin. God, I never realized how hard to explain that is. Well, I couldn't even count how many people were here. It was really awkward. I'm glad it's almost over.

Virginia Faith at 6:18 PM

1 Comments:

Family is insane, indeed. It was bad enough being with just two grandparents and my mom for a week. They were jokingly trying to arrange my marriage with "a nice Jewish boy" and they were talking to me in Yiddish and attempting to teach me how to play bridge! Can you imagine? But at least there were only three of them.

It was...a bit odd, I guess, at the concert last night. I had a good time, though.

By uyov, at 9:14 PM

Monday, December 20, 2004

As many of you know, white chocolate is my first love. I'm not very fond of any other chocolate, only white. So I have been looking for hugs (like kisses only white chocolate instead of milk) every where I go. Everytime we go some where with a Christmas candy aisle that's the first thing I look for. I couldn't find them anywhere except I found some yesterday. I found them at longs (thank you James). I have hugs, my Christmas is complete

Virginia Faith at 1:09 PM

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Thursday, December 16, 2004

this poem is for my friend ____
who is the best friend I have ever had
whose tired green eyes
hidden behind glasses
look back at me from a world I feel privileged
to be a part of
who helps me with my homework
who feeds me a complement
when I need one most
he drives me home after a stressful school day
in his 85 Century Buick
with a giant crack in the windshield
which grows larger every time I see it
I always complain about the falling
fabric ceiling in his car
we skate around the ice rink
talking about how I can be witty like him
afterwards we enjoy a root beer float shake
at dreamers cafe
he tells me his crazy ideas
like mailing spam
and recycling Egg Roll King
and "family joules"
he obsesses about seatbelts
if they are not put back very neatly
he asks me what he should wear the next day
and almost never actually wears what it is I tell him to wear.
sometimes he plans his clothing to clash on purpose
his style is nothing like anyone else
his musical talent is broader
than most musicians of his age
my best times have been times I spend with him
and this it why I write this poem
with great respect and compassion
to my best friend

I really wish more of my assignments included writing about friends. I didn't even really think of this as an assignment. It was kinda fun...

Virginia Faith at 6:44 PM

1 Comments:

I like it.

By Anonymous, at 7:12 PM

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

I didn't want this to be a blog where I just vent about the shitty things in life but it seems that is exactly what is has become. I guess that's just because of how things are going for me right now. I trust the break will give an upside to things. But for now here it is...

I really try to be ambiguous about problems involving other people, but it's going to be tough with this situation. So I'll just say that I may be quitting Jazz Band next semester. But I hate giving things up, because then I feel like I'm missing out on something, which I will be. Not to mention they will have to find a new bass trombone player, which is not an easy task. I feel like lately I've just been quitting things I really enjoy. I'm not a quitter. But this is not the point. It bothers me when I'm not the best at something, and Jazz band is getting in the way of that. It also bothers me when people give others credit I deserve. It also bothers me when I am not included in the things I want to be a part of. It also bothers me when people don't think very highly of me. These are the real things that are bothering me tonight. I don't know what to do. There should be a way to fix any problem, right? Well, I'm having a hard time finding a solution that will make me happy.

Virginia Faith at 9:07 PM

1 Comments:

"I[t] bothers me when I'm not the best at something"

That is an extremely arrogant comment. Let me state this frankly. You are not the best at anything. Chuan is not. Lin-Brande is not. Nobody is the best...ever. Do not get cocky and start thinking you are the best because you're not.

By TR, at 4:37 PM

Sunday, December 12, 2004

Time is against me. So I think to myself, time to straighten out my priorities. But really there's nothing I can give up without disappointing someone. The only thing I can change is honors English, and I wouldn't give that up if I didn't have to because in the long run, that would have really helped me (what with AP and all). And this also means no Pops orchestra; and even though Haskell decided to help me work something out with marching band next year I'll really have to consider things before I just go and do MB. I did, and have many times, considered giving up band all together, but I've never been able to push myself to do that. I can't give up something I love. But on the other hand it is in the way of more progress I could be making on the violin. I think the biggest problem are these dreadful visits to Fernley I'm obligated to make. If I were in Reno right now I wouldn't be stressing about a scale sequence I wasn't able to practice this weekend because my music is at home. Because obviously, I would have it, and every other belonging of mine. I would have my computer with my files allowing me to make my next essay draft, an assignment that is due tomorrow. Now I will be up later than necessary finishing homework as I am every Sunday after I've been at my dad's house. This is my biggest waste of my time. But I can't do anything about it because my father is the source of 90% of my belongings and I'd be living the life a poor girl if I neglected him. Grrrr.....

I really need this winter break.

Virginia Faith at 2:16 PM

1 Comments:

Never forget your dreams. Everything lies so clear in the end. Find the silence within and you will find the answer. Years ago I was not able to eat dinner until 10 o'clock. Filled with tennis, band, boy scouts, acting, soccer, and homework I was spreak so thin I did not know what to do. I snapped. I have quit everything I have ever loved. Do not make the same mistake I have... You will regret it.

-Mocca Feren

By Mocca Feren, at 11:17 PM

Monday, December 06, 2004

That's the last time I drive with my mom and another passenger in the car at the same time. My mom gets all overly cautious, and that doesn't help me at all. She turns into the driving instructor all teenagers dread. She kept yelling at me about my grades and telling me that she's not going to let me do marching band next year even though Mr. Haskell has decided to strike a deal with me. So then I guess I goofed up at a light and she says 'Your should really not think about other things while you are driving.' Then shut the fuck up! Stop yelling at me about things I'm already sensitive about such as my grades! What the fuck does she expect? She is normally very calm about my driving and tells me how I'm such a better driver than my sisters. That's fine, I'm just not driving with her and other passengers again.

Never again.

Virginia Faith at 7:09 PM

1 Comments:

I know exactly what you mean; my mom does the exact same thing to me, except maybe more often. All she does is get in the car and rant about her problems... I don't really understand she does it. Maybe it's the fact that her son is a student driver and when he drives uninstructed she gets a rush... Anyway, it's well over my head (phew)...

PS: If you know who this is don't mention who I am to anyone. It's better when people don't truely personalize with you on blogs. Would you agree?

-Mocca Feren

By Mocca Feren, at 8:23 PM

Thursday, December 02, 2004

If I have to write another (aq) I'm going to jump out a window. If I ever see another ionic compound I'm likely to hit something. The only upside to all of this is that it's very likely to raise my chem grade. Can't say so much for my English grade. I haven't been in regular English since 5th grade (there was no such thing in 5th grade). So basically I've always been in honors. I really hate the idea of being kicked out of honors and pushed into regular English. But I can't change that now. The only thing I can do is organize my priorities, which means no marching band next year. And since Mr. Haskell didn't seem to care too much when I told him I'm not doing marching band next year, why should I? I won't give a shit when they suck because of lack of low brass. It's not my problem.

What a great week I'm having.

Virginia Faith at 8:25 PM

0 Comments:

Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Current mood: Better than expected.

Well the thing I was fearing most lately just happened. But now that the water works have stopped, I'm actually feeling alright. I'm choosing to be optimistic about the situation. Deep breathes have been very helpful. I've really been focusing on not what I've lost but what I've gained. It was the best 3 months of my life, that's for sure. Something he said made me reflect to past times we had shared and I realized that rather than losing a relationship, I just got one back, maybe the best one I've ever had, a great friendship. Sure I'm sad, but contrary to what I thought earlier, I think I will be able to move on, though it will be tough to ever find another guy that can measure up to great person that he is.

Virginia Faith at 5:58 PM

2 Comments:

Oh, Virginia. You're taking this really well, better than I would be if I were you. Hang in there, m'dear.

By uyov, at 3:22 PM

I think you're giving him too much credit.

By Anonymous, at 5:24 PM

Friday, November 19, 2004

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO You! ;^)
That's such a great picture....

Virginia Faith at 10:59 PM

0 Comments:

This is what I have decided about high school orchestra chair placement: It's very unreliable. When you factor in seniority and favorites everyone ends up getting screwed over. This year there's the faulty concertmaster fiasco and last year was my placement of near last second violin. This year I am shy first Violin I by just 8 chairs (making me ninth Violin I...), not that I was in anyway expecting to get first or even in the top four for that matter. If you think about it, you should be able to compare placement in honor orchestra to placement in RPYO saying as it's pretty much the same people, but for some reason you can't. I almost always win in RPYO and lose in elite school related orchestras. I just don't understand why teachers would allow seniority to alter their decisions. Isn't it their job to prepare us for the "real world"? If anything, by letting someone get a higher chair because of seniority they are setting him or her up for failure and in the process they piss off anyone effected. I don't think my placement was really effected by that but I'm still not satisfied with my chair. That's okay though. I've already started practicing the all-state music and that is the group that really counts.

Virginia Faith at 10:04 PM

5 Comments:

I couldn't agree more.

By uyov, at 11:10 AM

Herr Doktor sprecht!!
Die Tchaik ist schlecht und schnell. Du bist bloed und ein dummkopf. Muahahahaha!

Auf Wiedersehen!

By Anonymous, at 9:34 PM

Je pense que parce que les gens peux ecrire en allemand a ton blog, je peux y ecrire en francais, non? Et tu peux ecrire en espagnol.

Je ne pense jamais que Tim est correcte en dire ce qu'il dit. Il est bete.

By uyov, at 6:34 PM

Sí, puedo la prueba segura para escribir en el español. Carezco la experiencia los dos tiene aunque. Tim es muy mudo. ¿Sí?

By Virginia Faith, at 9:27 PM

Damn blogger program. I guess it's not compatible with Spanish tildes and upside down question marks. Oh well, you get the point.

By Anonymous, at 9:31 PM

Thursday, November 11, 2004

This year we had one just completely out of the ordinary marching competition. The first thing to happen was we didn't have a bus to get to Carson on. So all of us students pilled into the adults’ vehicles and got there that way. That turned out fine. So we go and perform. It was one of the best shows we'd ever marched. It came time for awards and apparently there was something wrong with the addition and we never received the correct score. I never did find out exactly what happened there. Then we go to leave and Galena gives us one of their busses. That was super nice of them. Then Mr. Haskell and I quickly go to use the restrooms, and when we come back we are standing in front of an empty parking lot. That's right, the bus left without us. The band left without the director, and the boyfriend left without the girlfriend. How does that happen? All I could say was -- I can't believe he let them leave without me. He is so dead. Apparently he did attempt to stop them from leaving, though obviously his efforts were thwarted. To top the day off, when Mr. Haskell and I finally got back to Reno he didn't have the keys to open the school so I went home in my uniform. There never was a dull moment to say the very least.

To add on being left behind, the marching band had an awards ceremony last night to end the marching season. I received the "He's so dead! Award", and he received the "Where's the band director? Go! Award". Didn't see that one coming.

Virginia Faith at 5:20 PM

0 Comments:

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

There was this link( http://www.politicalcompass.org ) in the school newspaper for a test you can take to determine whether you are democratic or Republican etc. So I took it and turns out that I am further to the left than I thought I would be. I guess it makes sense though since I am pro certain things that Christians aren't supposed to be. That doesn't really matter though since Bush does have Christian morals. Fine, make abortion illegal, see if I care, or if the women who die trying to kill their unwanted babies care, or if the unwanted children care. No really, go ahead.

On a more pleasant note, Reno marching band won second place(first out of the Nevada bands) in their division at the UNR competition along with best drum line and, surprisingly enough, best drum majors (however that happened). So hooray for Reno Marching Band.

I just got the Music for the Edge show Reno High Band will be putting on soon. I am so excited. It will be so much fun. Not to mention that I'm like the star of the show (rock on)! The music is like a synth rock band. Everyone should definitely make an effort to come and see the awesome show we put on.

Virginia Faith at 5:20 PM

0 Comments:

Saturday, October 23, 2004

I hate being sick. I feel so miserable. And the bad thing is I'm really good at making everyone around me miserable too. I guess I'm kind of like my dad in that way. Sorry guys. At least it's not a bad cold. I will be better soon. (Notice my optimism)

Virginia Faith at 4:09 PM

1 Comments:

Ahhhhhhh, it really sucks that you're sick. Yes, optimism is definitely good. I wish I had some - my parents spent all of this morning bitching at each other and now I have a really bad headache and I'm not speaking to my dad. Fun stuff, huh?

Anyway, hope you're feeling better...

By uyov, at 2:17 PM

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

Laura brings up a good point. So here it is:

Saturday, October 16 - Galena Competition & Del Oro Competition
Friday, October 29- Carson Competition
Saturday, October 30- UNR Competition

I don't know times off the top if my head so if you want them just ask me. If you really want to come to one I really recommend the UNR comp. It will be the most prepared since it is latest in the season. Come and see us!

PSAT should be a swear word

So today sophomores had to take the psat for the first time. I mean it doesn't determine anything this year but still, it's a major cause of stress in my life. There are five sections and on most of them we get 25 minutes. I didn't actually finish any of the sections. I would get to the end, but I had skipped so many questions that I never had time to go back and answer them all. Grrr! I'm so glad that's over, at least till next year, when it actually counts.

Virginia Faith at 6:32 PM

0 Comments:

Sunday, October 10, 2004

Douglas Marching Competition

That's right, Marching competition number two. So now guess what place we got. That's right, first place! We so deserved that too. It's not like we had the hardest competition in the world, but still, first place, that rocks! Our trophy is nearly as tall as one of our drum majors. It's huge (either that or our drum major is small, which she is)! Yey for Reno High!

Virginia Faith at 1:10 PM

1 Comments:

That's so cool! Isn't it great to win? I have to go see one of these competitions sometime soon... When's your next one?

By uyov, at 5:45 PM

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

A brief, random thought

Sometimes it almost seems like I'm still stuck looking at the world through the same perspective as freshmen year.

Virginia Faith at 4:32 PM

0 Comments:

Saturday, October 02, 2004

So I finally got to see J S Cha play today. I mean I've heard a recording before, but every time they've performed I've had to be somewhere else. Not this time. Let me just say that they rock. Besides them having a super sexy bass player, they just rock. They really are an awesome band. Check them out!

J S Cha

Today was also our first marching band competition. I wasn't there for the awards ceremony (I was checking out J S Cha's awesomeness) so I didn't get to see what place we got. But I just talked to some who said we got 3rd out of 5. Not too bad I guess. Next time will be better. I think we have a good foundation to build upon and now that we can fine-tune things, we will steal the show.

Virginia Faith at 9:23 PM

0 Comments:

Sunday, September 26, 2004

I consider myself lucky, I really do. I have everything I have wanted since I moved to Reno. For those of you who feel less fortunate, let me just say that patience pays off. Waiting is so frustrating, especially when you are envious of someone else. But really, patience is a good thing. I promise.

Virginia Faith at 9:42 PM

1 Comments:

Damn it! You're totally right... And I am so impatient... But no complaing from me- you waited for a year, and I've waited for nothing in particular for four days. Your advice is definitely appreciated, though.

By Anonymous, at 3:12 PM

Thursday, September 23, 2004

Decisions can be so scary. I never really realized how scary and even life altering some decisions are. Well, it's not really the decision in itself that is life altering; it's more the consequences of that decision. I've made my decision for now, now I just have to decide when I'm going to change that decision.

Virginia Faith at 10:06 PM

1 Comments:

Five minutes ago I was staring at my AP book report in a comatose fashion, so I thought I would see if you managed to fix your comments problem. And obviously you did, so I get to be the first person to comment!

Yeah, decisions can be really scary, and in my case in the very recent past, rather stupid! My plan of action for the next few days is to not speak unless spoken to and to plead guilty to temporary insanity if questioned.

But my decision was not so serious as your last one was...

And now back to Lennie and George et. al. If you don't see me tomorrow, it's because I died somewhere in the middle of writing about imagery...

By uyov, at 2:23 PM

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

Meh!

I'm going to say it again, just for kicks. Drama really blows. I really dislike it.

I've been a little paraniod lately. And everyday after certain conversations I get even more paranoid. I'm just a little worried about recent history repeating itself. Okay, that's a lie. I'm more than a little worried. I've just waited for so long, and I'm so happy now, and I'd really like to stay that way for as long as possible.

Virginia Faith at 3:34 PM

0 Comments:

Sunday, September 19, 2004

I'm just happy. Is that so weird? Don't question my smile when I have one, smile back!:)

Virginia Faith at 6:25 PM

0 Comments:

Thursday, September 09, 2004

Current Mood: Very Happy! :)

Virginia Faith at 9:51 PM

0 Comments:

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

So it's the second week of school, and I'm so ready for it to be over. I mean, if it weren't for social exposure school would definitely not be worth it. I used to be excited to go to school, but now that I know if school stopped my social life wouldn't suffer, who needs it? Seriously.

Virginia Faith at 10:28 PM

0 Comments:

Monday, August 23, 2004

Life is unfair. Bleh!

Virginia Faith at 2:07 PM

0 Comments:

Sunday, August 22, 2004

There's no need to argue anymore.
I gave all I could, but it left me so sore.
And the thing that makes me mad,
Is the one thing that I had,

I knew, I knew,
I'd lose you.
You'll always be special to me,
Special to me, to me.

I remember all the things we once shared,
Watching T.V. movies on the living room armchair.
But they say it will work out fine.
Was it all a waste of time.

'Cause I knew, I knew,
I'd lose you.
You'll always be special to me,
Special to me, to me.

Will I forget in time, ah,
You said I was on your mind?
There's no need to argue,
No need to argue anymore.
There's no need to argue anymore.

--cranberries

Virginia Faith at 10:49 PM

0 Comments:

Friday, August 20, 2004

My Schedule-

0- Strings Ensemble/Jazz Band
1- Algebra 3-4
2- Wind Ensemble
3- English 3-4 (H)
4- AP European History
5- Chemistry (H)
6- Spanish 1-2

Virginia Faith at 2:16 PM

0 Comments:

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

Marching Band- Day 2

Well, I made a deal with Mr. Haskell. I decided I'd play trombone. It would help me get more comfortable on it for jazz band, that was my thought. However, Mr. Haskell really wanted me to play sousaphone so he basically begged me to play sousaphone, fine, I'll allow him to gravel at my feet! So I'm playing sousaphone for marching band and he said I could play bone for pep band stuff. Whatever. It's definitely not turning out to be what I wanted but, methinks trombone would have been so much better but, who I am to decide what I going to play. I mean that's just absurd for me to actually make my own decisions. Oh well, at least now Haskell owes me a favor. He said to me to come up to him anytime and just tell him where the dead body is and he'd throw it in his trunk or something....er, okay....?

The other thing that has been upsetting me is how much crap I'm hearing about Mr. Hollenbach, our previous band director. And it's not just one person making one comment, but everybody, making several comments. I don't blame him one bit for leaving our school. I wouldn’t have put up with that kind of crap either. He did not, in any way, get the respect deserved.

Virginia Faith at 3:40 PM

0 Comments:

Monday, August 16, 2004

Marching Band- Day 1

Well, marching band started today. New director, new routine, new people, and perhaps, new instrument. I haven't really deiced whether I'm going to play my sousaphone which is what I played last year, or if I'm going to play trombone, which I have to excel in anyways if I'm going to play it in Jazz band as I intend to. If I play sousaphone, I'm sectioned with with a good friend. If I play trombone, I'm sectioned with a guy I'm basically head over heals for. Ek, it's a super hard decision. Our director wants me to play sousaphone, which is a given, but I don't know, it's such a hard decision.

Virginia Faith at 1:00 PM

0 Comments:

Friday, August 13, 2004

I got this from a friend. Fill it out, this could be interesting!

1. Who are you?

2. Are we friends?

3. When and how did we meet?

4. How have I affected you?

5. What do you think of me?

6. What's the fondest memory you have of me?

7. How long do you think we will be friends?

Have you filled it out yet? Email it to me!
8. Do you love me?

9. Do you have a crush on me?

10. Would you kiss me?

11. Would you hug me?

12. Physically, what stands out?

13. Emotionally, what stands out?

14. Do you wish I was cooler?

15. On a scale of 1-10, how hot am I?

16. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.

17. Am I lovable?

18. How long have you known me?

19. Describe me in one word.

20. What was your first impression?

21. Do you still think that way about me now?

22. What do you think my weakness is?

23. Do you think I'll get married?

24. What makes me happy?

25. What makes me sad?

26. What reminds you of me?

27. If you could give me anything what would it be?

28. How well do you know me?

29. When's the last time you saw me?

30. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?

31. Do you think I could kill someone?

32. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger/weaker/or staying the same?

33. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?

34. Are you going to put this on your xanga/live journal and see what I say about you?

35. Would you want to see me naked?

37. Would you have sex with me?

42. What's your worst memory involving me?

45. Do I come off as charming?

46. Could you see me in a fist fight?

47. Would you believe me if I said "I Love You" ?

48. If you could give me a stereo-typical label, what would it be?

49. On a scale from 1-10 how annoying do you find me?

50. What animal do I resemble, and why?

Have you filled this out yet? Email it to me!

Virginia Faith at 9:03 PM

0 Comments:

Monday, August 09, 2004

I just got back from a music camp I've gone to for the past four years. It was a load of fun just as it always is. This year was nice because I had friends from school there. In the past I came from Fernley and I was the only one, but this year there were people from Reno HS, plus the people I already knew from previous years.

Every year at camp they put on a student talent show. The first place winner receives a full scholarship to camp the next year. The second place winner receives a half scholarship to camp the next year. So I have performed every year except my first. My reason for performing was that I didn't want to sit on the very uncomfortable floor. I mean they make us sit on this horrible tile floor in a room where we get our food. So sure, I'll perform, just so long as I don't have to sit on that terrible floor. So I performed this year solely thinking about my comfort, if I win cool, if not no big deal, and I totally won second place! It rocked so much. And this super cute guy won first. It rocked so much.

So the talent show is one night, and then another night they always have karaoke. So guys cabin five was trying to look like a ska band so they asked me to put eyeliner on them all. So I did, I put eyeliner on all of them except one (he couldn't keep his eyes open). I love it when guys wear eyeliner, it is really attractive on most guys. So I was really happy.

Every year I have so much fun at camp. The advantage of living in Reno is I don't have to miss an of the people from camp because I know I'll be seeing them again at marching band competitions and honor band, stuff like that. I look forward to music camp all year. I can't wait for next year!

Virginia Faith at 2:06 PM

0 Comments:

Tuesday, July 27, 2004

I hate drama. I enjoy watching movies with drama or listening to music with drama, but I hate living drama. It makes me feel like a chump. It also reminds me that my life has flaws. Uck.

Virginia Faith at 8:57 PM

0 Comments:

Friday, July 23, 2004

Summer time already, and almost over! I recently spent a month in my home town, Fernley. I saw many of my old friends and sadly we have few things in common anymore. It was a challenge just to keep conversation going with some of them. I played my violin on a float in the Fourth of July parade and it was a huge hit. I could see all the parents on the street pointing out the violin to their children. I'm about the only person associated with Fernley who plays the violin so not many people get to see or hear one very often. I enjoy the Fourth in Fernley. It's a really huge deal there. They start with a parade in the morning. Then they have events and booths and music, oh and food in the out of town park all afternoon and early evening. Then when it gets dark they have a fantastic fireworks display. It's never the Fourth of July without Fernley. It's the one time I really enjoy being there.

Virginia Faith at 1:47 PM

1 Comments:

I have to see if it works. Just testing my new comment window.

By Virginia Faith, at 12:30 PM

Tuesday, March 09, 2004

New web page name......I don't know why this name is better but it's defiantly different. I'm fascinated that anyone would have such a career.....Toxicology........? Anyway checkout this picture...It's of me a little over a year ago.

My picture

So in health the other day, Mr Jordan started asking us these questions that he got out of one of Mr Worthens hippy books, which makes total sense when you look at the questions. Anyway they were something like this:

Are you a rose or daisy?
Are you tip-toeing through the tulips or walking on thin ice?
Are you a folding chair or a reclining chair?
Are you a fly swatter or fly paper?
Are you a mountain or a valley?
Are you a no trespassing sign or a public fishing sign?

Somebody was smoking some major dope!

Virginia Faith at 9:11 PM

0 Comments:

Monday, February 23, 2004

Berkeley-

By the way......

Happy Birthday Me!!!!!!!!!!!!!(one day late)

I went to Berkeley last Saturday to by a new violin. It's so pretty! I love it. It's so nice.

And we took pictures on the trip!But come to find out that the website that I thought you could view them at is only a temporary thing. So I guess you won't be able to look at them because I cant find a way to get them on here because Virginia is computer retarded. That can be my summer project....Figure this website/html crap out. Anyway......

Virginia Faith at 9:04 PM

0 Comments:

Friday, January 16, 2004

Finals- Day 3

The end has come! Today wasn't that bad either except that I was completely tired. I woke up and put on the laziest clothing I had and put my hair up in a rubber band. Two things that don't happened very often. Strings final was a piece of cake except for when the teacher got all pissy when she caught this kid cheating. And the Biology final wasn't too bad it was just really long. They were mostly questions that I had already had on tests and stuff before. But it's all over now, until next semester anyway, and I have a three day weekend. And I plan to thoroughly enjoy every moment of it.

Virginia Faith at 12:50 PM

0 Comments:

Thursday, January 15, 2004

Finals- Day 2

Hell week? I think not. I get to sleep in, I get out of school at 11:30, I am so diggin this! True tomorow I have a Biology final but I get a cheat sheet. I'm pretty much ensured a decent grade in there. Does it really get any better? I go to school to take a band final today but it's not even going to be graded. If we stayed quiet and turned it in then it wouldn't affect our grade. Score!

stay tuned for day three.......

Virginia Faith at 1:09 PM

Wednesday, January 14, 2004

Finals- Day 1

Hell week has officially begun. To put in other words today was the first day of finals. I must say I was dreading today a little more than I needed to. It really wasn't so bad. My English final was a lot easier than I expected. And my geometry final was cake just like everything in that class. Tomorrow no worries because I have no first period so I only have one final tomorrow and it's Band. Yah that's a toughie, NOT!

Virginia Faith at 1:50 PM

0 Comments:

Wednesday, January 07, 2004

So I was at that Mexican restaurant Micasa Too, and their sprite is unbelievably good. That's right their sprite! So I find myself asking the question Why is their sprite so good? So after pondering this question I come up with: Maybe it is more carbonated.....Maybe it has more sugar.....Maybe there's just a special ingredient. I think I'm going to add it to the list of questions the world may never know.

- How many licks does it take to get to the center of a
tootsie roll pop?
- What is the current population of China?
- Did Marilyn Monroe really have a sixth toe?
- (New)What is so different about Micasa Too's sprite?

Virginia Faith at 6:18 PM

Friday, January 02, 2004

Methinks I'm ready for this break to be over. The break from school has been nice but I've had to be in Fernley with my step family too much lately and I'm begininng to get testy. The begininng of break was great. Hanging out with friends, seeing movies, loads of fun. But things have begun to calm down now and I'm getting irritable.

Virginia Faith at 5:49 PM

0 Comments:

Sunday, December 14, 2003

Novy's essay assignment:"If your parents could choose your boyfriend, what would he be like?

My Mom: Well dear, he can't smoke or be intoxicated with any sort of drug. He has to respect your wishes. He has to be a straight A student. He has to respect his teachers. Etc, Etc, Etc,...........

It went on for hours!

Her explanation was a perfect example of prince charming!

Virginia's conclusion: This assignment bites!

Virginia Faith at 8:52 PM

Thursday, December 11, 2003

I find it frustrating that all these amazingly talented musicians have not been playing for that much longer then I have. And there is no way I can catch up to them in 2 years. I ask myself why this is, so I begin searching for a better reason then the fact that had a just rough start.

Maybe being a well rounded musician is what's holding me back. If I quit band and concentrate all my musical skills to orchestra then maybe I can catch up. I've pondered this but for some reason I can't push myself to do it. I die at the thought of leaving the bands even though there is no chance of a career in it. I am sorry but if anyone thinks they can make a career from playing the tuba you have been deeply mislead. More power to you for trying and please contact me when you famous but let us get back to reality. I've just always had more fun with band students for the most part. There's just a different attitude to "band geeks". Orchestra students are not as loose, not as much fun(with two exceptions that I've come across).If this is this is the hidden reason for my lack of amazing talent, then I will never be the amazing musician that dream of.

So I find myself back to the only other possible reason for this lack of remarkable talent:I had a rough start. And what do I have to blame for this other than myself? The only town I new until a few short months ago. Fernley. The Town no child should ever have to encounter. I was blind to this when I had my first opportunity to leave but now that I am paying for it I have nothing but regret. I have been a violinist for 7 years now and last year was my first year in an orchestra. You ask how this is possible? My answer:Fernley. I used to be the best musician under 18 back in Fernley. Now I'm an average teenager. An orchestra? In Fernley? You will find no such thing. Private string teachers? In Fernley? You will find no such thing. By all means if you can please prove me wrong please do, but Fernley will never change. I had the opportunity to leave 7 years ago with my mom but I passed up that opportunity. So now I have found that I have no one to blame for my poor skills..........except for me.

Virginia Faith at 5:21 PM

0 Comments:

Tuesday, December 09, 2003

"I must deny the lullabye
The skin the touch that makes me high
I must deny not knowing why
The truth has left me dumb tongue-tied"

SBL

Virginia Faith at 5:15 PM

0 Comments:

Monday, December 08, 2003

"There's nothing out there
Am I the last girl on earth
Don't you want me
If I'm the last girl on earth
There's nothing out there
And I'm the last girl on earth"

SBL

Virginia Faith at 9:05 PM

0 Comments:

Friday, December 05, 2003

Hey everyone! This was completely Tim's Idea. I'm just testing this out.

Virginia Faith at 5:15 PM

0 Comments:

-------------------------------------------------

{xoxo}

Name: Virginia Faith
DOB: February 22
Hobbies: Music
Heros: Christopher O'Riley, Joshua Bell, Bond(the string quartet), Vanessa-Mae

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Contact Me! VBViolin@aol.com AIM- VBViolin Thank you for visiting my blog. Visit frequently for updates!

Thanks!
Virginia Faith

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